Chopped - 80's Style

So, I decided to get a haircut yesterday.
I am tired of wearing a baseball cap to the gym.
Seriously, that's why I wanted a cut.
I know, you're saying, "Kerry, just don't wear the hat."
Well, when you have crazy curly hair and
you work out like a MADWOMAN
the hair tends to get CRAZIER.

So, I went to the guy who cuts Dylan's hair.
He used to cut my hair
and always gave me a good cut.
BUT
2 years ago,he cut it REALLLLLLY SHORT.
I don't look good in short hair.
I need some length, people.
Some length to hide my jowls.

So, I walk in and say....
"Last time you cut my hair TOO SHORT."
I neglected to say
"DON'T DO THAT AGAIN!"
because
HE DID THAT AGAIN!

Seriously, I didn't think I HAD to say that again.

Well, it's really short, but not exactly like last time.
I sort of like it.
I can't tell yet.
It's a blunt cut just below my ears - SHORT
But I do have to say,
my curls are AMAZING!!!!!
And that's what I wanted, better CURLAGE.

It does look a little 80's.
And while I start to get angry
when I think that I could always turn
it around and start wearing
neon lace hair ties and black rubber bracelets.
Oh yeah, I did that back then.
Madonna would be so proud of me.

Skipper Gets Fit

So, I found this crazy new thing to try.....
It's called


EXERCISING


Have you heard of it?

I tried it years and years ago...
it never really caught on with me.

Well, I'm doing it now and......
I REALLY LIKE IT!

All summer I'd been thinking about joining a gym.
Yeah, yeah, another gym that I could
give my money to each month and the
closest I would get to it would be to drive by
occasionally.
This time, something was different.
I don't know what, but something.
I was ready.

So, I found a gym that costs $20 per month.
It doesn't offer classes so there are no Barbie dolls walking around
which I like as I'm more of a Skipper than a Barbie - a Skipper who has
seen better days, a Skipper who has given birth and stayed home
for 10 years finishing the leftover food on her doll baby's plate.
I'm THAT kind of Skipper.
(for all you guys out there, Skipper was Barbie's younger, less attractive sister)

This gym is mainly MEAT HEADS (think Jersey Shore)
and that's just fine with me.

I had a personal training session my first day and decided
that THAT was the way to go.
I'm training 3x per week! (that sounds so funny, "I'm training", hee hee)
My trainer's name is Paul and he is BUSTING MY BUTT - thank God, that's why I'm there.
Everyone asks me, "Is your trainer hot?"
No, he's not hot. He's adorable, I could be his mother and he's a great kid.
He's 25, very polite and he's doing his best to kill me. But in a nice, polite way.

So, I'm training (hee hee) 3x per week and doing cardio 3x per week
and you know what......
I'm loving it!
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to call Dylan to see if he can
help me out of this chair
because I am so sore, I can't move.

Clooney

So, Dylan has been invited to a
very fancy Bat Mitzvah in September.
The invitation says.....
"COCKTAIL ATTIRE".

Please tell me, what constitutes
COCKTAIL ATTIRE
for a 15 year old boy??

This is what we decided on:


I told him he could get a new tie.
He asked for a
BOW TIE.
He picked this one from High Cotton.

So the box comes and he says,
"How big IS this tie???!!!"

He opens the box and again,
"Really...?"

No, that is not the tie.

So he puts it on - oh yeah, it's a REAL bow tie.
He says "Mom, look, I'm George Clooney"
(I don't know where that came from)
What is supposed to look like
Scotch in a tumbler is really iced tea in a smiley glass.

Moody Clooney.

Oh, and by the way,
he taught himself how to tie that sucker - in one night.

45

I am 45 today.
WOO HOO!!!!!!!
It doesn't bother me in the least.
It's just a number.
I still act like a 12 year old at times.


Plans for today:
gym
dinner with family


Good day.

Gangs

So my son

made plans to go to the beach with his friends.
This would be his second time at the ocean without parental supervision.
He's 15, but I still worry.
So I said:
"You know to only swim by the lifeguards, right?"

He said:
"Yes mom, we only swim between the red flags."

Me: "DYLAN!"

Him: "I'm kidding, we're careful, I promise."

Then I went into the gang portion of my talk:
"If you run into any gangs........"

Him: "Where do you think I'm going??!!!!"

Me: "If you run into any gangs, remo......

Him: "I know, 'remove myself from the situation'."

I said:
"Dylan, it's my job as a parent to make sure you're safe."

My son then went into a stand up routine equal to any comic out there:

"Mom, we will not see any gangs. I have never seen any gangs. We're
going to the beach - no gangs. What do you think they do......

"Ok, ok, Latin Kings, Latin Kings, quite down, listen up.
We're all meeting at Ricky's house and then heading to the beach.
(cheering).
Julio, come on, Julio, quite down, I'm talking.
Now remember, next week.....Dave and Busters!!!
(more cheering)
And the week after that, White Water Rafting.
That will be a 'no knife trip', guns only. Knives will
pop the rafts. Remember, only guns."

This is my child.
MY child.

Africa Hot

Last week.
I've only now recovered.