I Am A Bad Ass Fireball

I'd have to call today one of the

5 worst days of my life so far.

My mother's younger sister

is an alcoholic - on and off the wagon for years.

Lost her

marriage

children

2 businesses

-broke into her neighbor's house to steal booze

-drove her car into a lake

-drank mouth wash and turpentine

You get the picture, right?

Well, this sister wanted to come down from

Vermont and stay with my mother

and take care of her this week.

(mom has stage 4 brain cancer)

Really?

Dad said no way.

Mom wanted her here, wanted to give her a chance.

Lame ass solution:

her enabling boyfriend brought her down last night.

He was going to "watch her" and take her home if

she drank.

Well, apparently, the boyfriend isn't a very good watcher.

9:40am - voice mail from the boyfriend:

"Hi this is Les. She's drinking, I have to take her home.

Can you come stay with your mother right away?"

Way to go, Les!

Um. I'm at work.

30 minutes away.

Dad is at work.

Mom is home with a drunk and some guy named Les.

I. Am. Furious.

Like 'can't see straight' furious.

Left work

Called Paul who was still home, asked him to

get over there and said:

"DON'T LET THEM LEAVE BEFORE I GET THERE"

Did you know a Volkswagen Beetle can go 100 mph?

Neither did I until I looked down and saw it.

I've never driven that fast and no, I'm not proud of it.

When I got to the house, Paul said he could "feel"

me coming and when I walked in

I was like a FIREBALL.

I walked right over to the drunk

who was lying on the couch

leaned in, pointed my finger at her and said:

"GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE

AND DON'T EVER COME HERE AGAIN

YOU SELFISH, SELFISH BEAST!"

Then I went to see if my mother

was alright. She was fine, but sad.

Les and the drunk drove off.

After my father got home,

I went home and went to bed.

I was absolutely exhausted.

Had a gym appt. at 4.

Didn't want to go.

Didn't think I'd make it through.

Was all set to cut it short,

take a shower

take a Xanax

and go to bed.

I went.

Focused.

Worked.

Loved it.

Washed away all the craziness of the day.

As Paul cooked dinner I kept asking him

"Tell me what I said again?"

"How did I say it?"

"How did I sound?"

Today started out as one of the

worst days I have ever, ever had

but ended up not so bad.

I took care of business.

I am a bad ass.

A bad ass fireball.

Words With Friends

So, anyone up for a game?

My screen name is

Pne Funny Mom.

yeah, Pne.

It was supposed to be

ONE funny mom

but I pressed the P instead of the O

and now I can't figure out how to change it.

Christmas

Ok, so this isn't the best Christmas.

Ok. So what.

Usually we go to Massachusetts for Christmas,

(all you burglars out there, make a note for next year)

Paul's sister lives there. His father comes and

sometimes his brother shows up.

My folks always go to Connecticut.

But we always spend Christmas Eve together.

We go to a local pub, Gallagher's and

we all have Gallagher's burgers.

This year, we STILL had our burgers,

but we ordered in:

This was us at Gallaghers two months ago:

As for Christmas traveling, my parents

decided they wouldn't be able to make the

trip to CT so I stayed behind to spend Christmas

with them.

I cooked a 5lb beef tenderloin.

I was so worried about overcooking it

that I waaaay undercooked it.

It was so rare it was blue inside.

-dad loved it.

I miss my son and husband, but I'm glad

I stayed behind.

My parents need help.

It's too much for my father.

I called Hospice this morning, just for information.

The woman on the line was

so wonderful

so supportive

so full of information.

I cried.

She said she was praying for our family.

More angels.

Look what I got for Christmas.Purple and black weight lifting gloves.

Yeah, I'm a bad ass.

Mess

This is pretty much what the

inside of my head looks like these days.

Today

Make pea soup.

Bake cookies.

Thank you notes.

Parents' House

Gym.

Shower.

Drive Dylan to a party.

Xanax.

Bed.

Strength

Stopped at my folks house this morning

to drop something off for later.

Dad had to run an errand, asked me

to wait around in case my mother woke up.

He left.

She woke up.

Ok.

I can handle this.

I got her a cup of coffee - with a straw.

Good start.

Then she wanted to get up.

Ok, I can handle this.

Got her up.

Got her washed up.

Got her dressed.

Lots of laughter,

a few tears,

but lots of laughter.

I told her we'd have to wait until

Dad got back to get downstairs.

I don't think I could manage the stairs.

Dad came back.

I went to work.

2:15.

Get a call that mom needs help.

Ok, I can handle this.

(I'll be honest, I didn't think that

at the time)

I drove home WAY too fast.

Took care of things.

I handled it.

I have been praying for strength.

My prayers are being answered.

I am grateful.

Oh, and I'm grateful for egg nog too.

Mom and I rested and each had a

glass of really heavily spiked egg nog.

We earned it.

Break-Up

(me screaming)

PAUL MY TRAINER NOT MY HUSBAND

BROKE UP WITH ME!

Today was my first day back at

the gym after almost 2 weeks

of knee trouble.

I was so psyched to go back!

Paul my trainer not my husband

walked over, made a little small talk

and then said...

"I have to tell you something. Today is my last day."

screeching halt - WHAT??!!!

We've been through so much together.

You know that my mother is sick.

I know that your parents are splitting up.

You know about my knee arthritis.

I know about your shoulder damage.

You know I hate ab work.

I know you like 'spanish chicks'.

You know how much I weigh!!!

Ok, I'm happy for him.

He's taking a full time job.

He's been looking to do something

more with his life - see how much I know!!

I'm just being selfish.

Paul my trainer not my husband

understood me, he got me.

Now I have to try to find that again.

Bummer.

Hope.

Monday was a tough day.

Went with my parents to chemo.

As we were struggling to get my mother

down some stairs and through some doors

I noticed at least 5 people just standing

there watching us.

JUST STANDING THERE.

JUST WATCHING.

...um, how about holding a door open??!!

My poor mother is struggling with a walker

and she has no balance and

NO ONE CAN EVEN HOLD A DOOR?

Well, I had had it.

I said

OUT LOUD

"I CAN'T BELIEVE THESE FUCKERS!"

I really thought my father would backhand me

for saying that, but I'm pretty sure he was thinking

the same exact thing.

Well, one of the fuckers manned up

and opened a door for us.

I thanked him profusely.

So, 3 hours at chemo.

My dad had a game that night,

so after work, I went over to their

house and made dinner and stayed

with my mother until dad came home.

My brother Ken came over, we had a good

time, but I see what's coming.

I don't want to do this.

I don't want it to happen.

Ok, I'm scared.

That night I had a wonderful dream.

It was about me and my friend Karen.

Karen is a mom at school, a social worker

a wonderful source of encouragement and a

very good friend.

Karen asked if I wanted to go out on her boat.

BUT, she told me to swim out ahead of the boat.

As I was swimming, huge swells formed in the water.

Huge.

I remember thinking, this is what it was like in the

movie Castaway.

I was scared and kept thinking that the swells would

crash down on me and I would drown.

As each swell approached, I looked back at Karen,

and she would yell to me

"You'll be okay."

and I would ride the swell only to encounter the

next larger swell, sure it was going to come

crashing down on my head.

Again, I would look back at Karen, terrified.

"You're going to be okay!"

Again and again it happened and again and again,

I rode each swell.

Nothing crashing down on me.

Eventually, we made it through the rough water

and as we finally floated in the calm, I looked at her

and she said,

"I told you you'd make it through."

I'm going to make it through.

On the DL

So, my GOOD knee had been bothering me for

a few days. I figured I strained it on my

new favorite thing at the gym (rower).

Ok, so I'll stay off it for awhile, fine.

So, I'm going through my day,

minding my own business

when all of a sudden

POP!

My knee went

POP!

Then

PAIN!

Hmmm, something is wrong.

(I am a genius)

So, I went to the doctor and he said

it looks like I had something called a

Bakers Cyst (gross)

which burst (grosser)

and caused the pain and swelling

and was likely caused by

a torn miniscus.

Great.

So, I took the week off from the gym

which is

KILLING ME.

Gym=Crack for Kerry

Next up - MRI.

Cancer Chronicles - Angels

Tough weekend for my mother.

I brought dinner over to my parents yesterday

and my mother was in bed.

She has no strength at all in her legs.

She's been using a walker to get around,

but yesterday she just couldn't get up.

My poor father.

Why didn't he call me??

I think he's exhausted,

and doesn't know what to do.

I checked on my mother,

made sure my father was "ok"

then went home to plan the week.

I was stressing.

I would leave work early to be home

with mom so my Dad could work

Dylan could walk over after school.

I called my brother, his wife was available on Monday.

Should we call Hospice?

I don't know what to do....

WHY DON'T I KNOW WHAT TO DO!

Then the Angels arrived.

A little later I called my father to see how he was doing.

I heard all these voices in the background.

My mother's friends had stopped by,

saw what was going on and rallied!

They worked together to get her up

and brought her downstairs.

One, who happens to be a nurse,

arranged to take a few days off

to stay over night for a couple of days.

One is calling a friend who works with Hospice.

One got a pizza and they had a pizza party!

Ok, we're going to be ok for a few days.

These angels, are going to help us.

Help us figure out what we need to do.

I truly believe in Angels.

Green Bananas

I thought this was pretty amusing when I saw it.

So much so, that I had to take a picture:

I have since learned that one can cook with

Green Bananas.

Thank goodness they are the same price

as the ripe ones.

Newest Favorite Thing

This is my newest favorite thing.

The rowing machine at the gym.

Great cardio workout.

I did it Monday and Wednesday with

Paul my trainer, not my husband.

I am reallllly feeling the effects of it today.

My back and hip

ACHED

all night.

I got a terrible night sleep.

I'm going back to bed with a

heating pad and a good book

all snuggled up in one of my all time favorite things

my Brookstone snuggie.

I prefer to call it a slanket.

The fabric is plush and warm and soft.

Yup, going back to bed.

*So I took a 3 hr.nap with the heating pad.

Back is good as new.

Off to the gym!

Community

I never want to have cancer.

REALLY Kerry?

I know, no one does, but I had a

chance to really think about it on Monday.

I went with my mother to her chemo treatment.

*for those of you who may not know, she

has a malignant brain tumor.

This is a second tumor.

The first was removed 2 years ago.

This one is inoperable*

There were 6 cancer patients sitting in a room,

all hooked up to ivs,

all in various stages of hair loss.

It was very sad, depressing.

However....

What I did notice was the amazing sense of

COMMUNITY

these wonderful people had.

They are all on the same schedule so they

see each other every other week.

They were talking about their

Thanksgivings

grandchildren

hobbies

There was a true sense of

caring

understanding

community

I still don't ever want cancer.

I don't want anyone to ever have cancer.

I want those six people-

The six people I spent 2 hours with

to get better

and to spend time with their grandchildren

to knit closets full of sweaters

to have many more Thanksgivings.

Cancer sucks.

I. Am Awesome.

Yeah, so remember when I

CRIED

AT

THE

GYM

last week because I couldn't do

that crazy sit up throw the ball thing?

Well.......

I went back today.

I tried it again.

AND

I

DID

I.

Am.

Awesome.

Goal for Christmas

....to be down 30.

5 to go.

Target Turkey

I bought my Thanksgiving Turkey at Target.

Now how many of you can say THAT??!!!!

Thanksgiving used to be MY HOLIDAY.

It has moved around a bit in the last

couple of years.

Anyway...

I have never purchased a turkey.

My mother always ordered a fresh turkey for us.

My father would pick it up and bring it to my house.

My father was the turkey fairy.

"Kerry, where do turkeys come from?"

"Daddy."

Last Saturday, I was at Target when my

cell phone rang.

"We're all coming to you for Thanksgiving."

Okaaaay.

I hung up the phone, turned to my right

and there was a freezer full of Butterballs.

Oh look, Target sells turkey.

I'd better buy this big ball of poultry ice because

there probably aren't any left at the grocery store.

Dummy.

So, if I don't make any more entries

on this blog, it's because I let the frozen

turkey sit on my deck for a day to defrost

and I then ate it and died from salmonella.

(I'll be back, it was still frozen after a day

so I stuck it in the fridge)

There's No Crying at the Gym!

So, started out GREAT at the gym today.

Lots of weights.

Did 4 sets of these:

And seeing as my ab workouts are my

LEAST FAVORITE

and need the most work, I really

tried to kick butt, and succeeded!

I was having a great time, working really hard.

And then we walked over to the decline bench.

Ok. I can do this.

A few sit ups.

Paul, my trainer, not my husband says

we're (love that) going to do 10 sets of 10.

Now, I'm no math wiz but I quickly come up with

100 sit ups.

WTF?

Then he says

"When you come up, I'll throw the weighted

ball to you, you go down, come back up and

throw it to me."

Um.

Ok.

What?

Do you want me to spin around and whistle Dixie too?

But, hey, I'm game.

This is what it was like, but instead of the

wall, I'm throwing the ball to Paul, my trainer,

not my husband:

So, I do 10.

After 10 we rest.

The we go again.

I did two more and

I

STARTED

CRYING.

It was so hard and I was having

so much trouble doing it and

I STARTED CRYING.

I think I scared the shit out of

Paul, my trainer, not my husband.

He said, "Ok, ok, let's stop."

We walked away from the

terrible, horrible, no good, very bad decline bench.

Then he told me over and over again

that he was proud of me for always

trying new things.

I was so spent and frustrated and

I WAS CRYING AT THE GYM!

He asked me if I wanted take a walk

outside but I said no, let's keep going.

I stopped crying and we finished

up with some arms.

When I got home I told

Paul, my husband, not my trainer that

I

Cried

at

the

gym.

He LAUGHED AT ME.

I'm like,

Look dude. I am strong now.

I can kick the shit out of you!

He said he was laughing because he can't

believe that I am so into this fitness thing

that it could make me

CRY AT THE GYM.

Oh, ok.

So, I will go back to that exercise that made me

CRY AT THE GYM.

I will get better at it.

Maybe not this week, but I will try again.

Whiner

So, I'm at the gym on Tuesday,

1 hr session with Paul, my trainer not my husband

and all of a sudden he says,

"You know what, maybe we should just call it a day. I don't

think you have it in you."

*sound effects* car skidding to a halt.

WHAT?!!!

Ok, let me back up and set the scene.

We were working on

ABS.

First on the mat doing double crunches.

Truly the worst thing I have

EVER DONE at the gym.

EVER.

4 sets of 20.

I was stopping after 10.

Sometimes doing one then resting.

Oh and I may have been complaining a little.

Paul, my trainer not my husband actually

SAT DOWN while I was trying to finish.

THEN

we went right over to the torture chair

Also known as the abdominal crunch machine.

I was like

"ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME??"

Please note that I did not say that

but I'm pretty sure my thoughts were

singing out loud and clear.

THAT

was when he said, "Maybe we're done."

I said, "No, I just can't do this anymore. How

about arms?

PLEASE LET'S TORTURE MY ARMS FOR AWHILE!!!"

I sounded like a crack head.

So we finished up with arms but the whole time

Paul, my trainer not my husband was very quiet.

So, yesterday I had another training session.

I said...

"About yesterday.....I did some thinking and maaaaybe

I complained a little, I'm sorry."

He said, everyone whines now and then.

OMG

I was whining at the gym???!!!!

I AM PAYING THIS GUY TO LISTEN TO ME WHINE??

Then he said, no, you weren't whining, maybe complaining

a little.

Ok.

So I said, the next time I complain just tell me to

SHUT IT.

He agreed.

For the rest of my session I was all smiles.

Everything was 'AWESOME!'

NO COMPLAINING AT ALL.

This is not going to last.

My Guys

Had a bit of "a day" yesterday.

Made a few stupid mistakes.

Stayed at work to finish a project.

Headache.

Left work 2 hours later than I usually do.

Got home.

THESE GUYS

had the table set and dinner waiting.

I'm a lucky girl.

Latest Favorite Thing.

Christmas Shopping

Started my Christmas shopping.

I am determined to be finished

by December 1st so I can enjoy

the holiday season!

Crossfit

Here is today's Crossfit workout:

For time:
1 mile Run
100 Pull-ups
200 Push-ups
300 Squats
1 mile Run

Partition the pull-ups, push-ups, and squats as needed. Start and finish with a mile run. If you've got a twenty pound vest or body armor, wear it.

Lol.

(no, I don't do Crossfit, but I am a little obsessed with it. I watch the Crossfit games over and over. It's amazing what the human body can do....not mine, but some human bodies.)

The Bionic Woman

So, about a month ago I was doing

squats with a medicine ball

And the next day I had very bad knee pain.

It goes back to the arthroscopic surgery I had in college

because I fell while doing this

-another story for another time......

Well, my knee has bothered me every day for a month.

I finally went to a doctor and he told me I have

"A LOAD OF ARTHRITIS IN MY KNEE."

-a load.

I guess that's a technical term.

So he gave me a choice:

a) anti-inflamatory pills

b) cortisone shot

I chose

I got the shot on Friday, took it easy at the gym.

Saturday, I gave my new bionic knee a try.

YEAH BABY!!!

I felt like a new woman!

I ran, and ran and ran.

Well, no, actually I walked, ran, walked some more,

ran, walked, ran...you get the idea.

(I walk till I'm bored, then run till I can't)

NO PAIN!!!!!!!

Yeah, yeah, I know steroids are not the best,

but I'm hoping that as I get in better shape

my knee won't bother me as much.

Damn surfing accident.

New Favorite Thing

Allow me to introduce you to my new favorite toy;

My Polar FT7 Heart Rate Monitor!

Paul, my trainer, not my husband, suggested I invest in

one of these and since I do everything he tells me,

I picked one up.

It comes with a chest strap which holds the transmitter;

and since this woman has NO boobs(seriously, is she a boy??!)

and I have LOTS of boobs, I was

concerned it would be very uncomfortable.

WRONG.It sits right under my SPORTS BRA

and I forget I have it on.

Never even think about it.

You set you height, age and weight, push START

and it records your heart rate and calories burned during your workout.

It even transmits my heart rate to the cardio machine I'm working on.

BUT THE BEST PART - the BEST PART

is that it tracks my heart rate and

CALORIES BURNED during my personal training sessions.

No more guessing.

The first time I wore it I was sure I burned 5000 calories.

Imagine my surprise when my heart rate monitor read 258.

WHAT??!! Ok. I just have to work harder next time.

And I did.

451 next session.

Excellent.

451 more calories to play with.

Love, love LOVE my heart rate monitor.

As of Today....

Down 20.

thrilled :-)

So Much Pain

Personal training session yesterday.

Paul, my trainer, not my husband

worked me so hard that

sweat was dripping off me.

There were drops of

"water" on the mat and

Paul, my trainer, not my husband

pointed it out and said,

"That's you."

Dripping.

My hamstrings are

KILLING ME today.

I haven't hurt this much since I

started working out.

LOVE IT.

Hot Stuff

20 - count 'em, 20 push-ups

WITHOUT STOPPING

REAL push-ups, not "girly" push-ups.

and 5 of these:

I did a lot of other stuff too, but

the dips were new.

Not a favorite of mine. Nope.

Book Suggestions, Please

I need something to read.

Any suggestions?

Love Me Some Orange

So, my son has been going to quite a few

Sweet 16 parties lately.

The last one was semi-formal.

He wore:

a navy blazer

white shirt

blue pants

blue madras bow tie

bucks

He said he was the best dressed guy there.

He said all the girls thought he was the

best dressed guy there.

Lots of girls - lots of attention.

So,

for the next party he wanted a new bow tie.

We got him this:

And then we got him these to go with it:

The colors match up in real life.

He'll wear them with a white shirt, blue blazer and these:

He is so cool.

Sucky Day

Awake at 3:30am.

Worrying.

Out of bed at 4:00am.

Wore an outfit I will never wear again.

Hair did NOT cooperate.

Bad choice in jewelry.

No breakfast.

Work a little before 7:00am.

Stressful morning.

Loud outside my office all day.

Drat! Left my lunch at home.

Designer of necklace I am wearing should

be shot for putting sharp Ninja star type

thingys on it, as it is now cutting into my jugular.

Remove necklace, throw it into bag hoping it gets

all tangled.

Oh look, there's my lunch. It was in my bag after all.

Throw it out because it's warm and I already ate.

3:30 - ow.

Ow?

Yeah, ow.

Arm muscles starting to ache from yesterday's workout.

Not good if they hurt already.

What happened to the 48 hour rule??

Hair now an afro.

Did I really put that much eye liner on??

Cannot wait to get home and wash my face!

Headache.

Gym.

Hour session.

FAILED.

Didn't have it in me.

Did 1/2 hour.

So annoyed.

Bed early.

Try again tomorrow.

What?!

The other day someone said to me....

"You look great! You look like a Bratz Doll."

*blink blink*

What?

THIS is what Bratz Dolls look like:

I think we can safely say I look

NOTHING

like a Bratz Doll.

I think maybe my lipstick was too dark.

....a Bratz Doll?

Fall Fair Weekend

I am exhausted!

This is our Fall Fair Weekend at school.

It is the biggest fundraiser of the year.

It's going so well.

I am so tired!

Friday night was our kick-off party

with our silent and live auctions.

We have such generous families.

We raised A LOT!!!! of money!!!!!

Saturday was the first day of our fair.

It's a big deal.

Rides, games, vendors, an international food tent.

My job is to make sure everyone has what then need.

They did not.

I was busy.

By the end of the day my feet were KILLING me.

I was asleep last night before my head hit

the pillow.

Today is the FINAL day of the fair.

I had big dreams of going to the gym

early in the morning and getting it over with.

Yeah, didn't happen.

BUT I am running around all day and yesterday

I had to carry an enormous fire extinguisher

so I counted that as a mini work out.

I am down 14 pounds!!

So happy about that.

This exercising thing REALLY does work.

Ok, back to the fair.

Wish me luck!

Hmph.

There are not enough hours in the day.

Crazy Week

Welcome to Crazy Week.

We are gearing up for our biggest fund

raiser of the year.

Yesterday I was at my desk at

6:35 AM

It's just easier to get things done when

no one else is around.

I'm A Proud Member Of The Cult

Just Saying Hi

I just wrote this long boring blog post.

I deleted it.

Just wanted to say hi.

Hi.

Down Ten.

:-)

Two Months

So, I've been working out for 2 months now.
No, REALLY working out.
I go to the gym 5-6 days per week
and 3 of those days are with a personal trainer.
SEE??
REALLY working out.
What have I learned in 2 months?
Well.....

I have learned that 1 hour with the trainer is MUCH better than 1/2 hour with the trainer.
Paul, my trainer, not my husband, feels he must get 60 minutes of torture into a 30 minute time frame.
I have learned that spreading the torture out is much better.

I have learned that breathing is a good thing, and that sometimes I forget to do it.

I have learned that yes, sometimes people throw up at the gym. (No, I haven't....yet)

I have learned that even though I was once sure that I could do ANYTHING for 2 minutes, I was wrong. 2 minutes is a long freakin' time!

I have learned that once I get past those two minutes, I will feel an amazing sense of accomplishment and the rest of the workout will be a piece of cake walk in the park.

I have learned that waking up with aching muscles is a really good feeling.

I have learned that this exercise thing is GREAT!!

Steely Dan!

I have neglected my blog, once again.
My office has entered it's busiest time of the year
and I have been putting in long days then heading
to the gym to complete less than stellar workout sessions.
What a difference stress makes!!

I did however have a FANTASTIC date with my
husband last Tuesday night.
Paul and I went out with two other couples and
saw STEELY DAN at the BEACON!!

They were playing a week of concerts and
each night they played a different album.
Of course, the night we went, they played
The Royal Scam
and I knew ZERO songs from it.
Zero.
That's okay. I like them and like the music.
However......
once they finished the album it was like they
started a second concert.
They played all these songs I knew, such as
Aja
Hey Nineteen
Peg
and my favorite....Reelin In the Years!!
It was AWESOME!!!
The theater was full of aging hippies...and yuppies.
There was a huge guy sitting behind Paul who had
long gray hair and just kept yelling out
YEAH!!!!! every few minutes all through the concert.
YEAH
the same YEAH over and over and over again.
It never varied, same pitch, volume. Same YEAH!
Every time he stood up, he kneed Paul in the head so
sometimes it was...
"YEAH, oh sorry man. YEAH!"
I think I got a contact high.
Seriously, it was like it was right on
top of us, but those people were smooth, you never saw anyone
smoking. Maybe they were piping the smoke in through the air vents.
The best part was this:

THAT is the line for the men's room.
LINE
FOR
MEN'S
ROOM.
Tell me, have you ever seen anything like that??
Well, most of the the people at the concert were men
and they were drinking - a lot.
Hence the line.
There was NO LINE for the ladies room.
Women were just running in there because they could!
We'd come back from a bathroom run and say to some woman - "Hey, no line!"
And she'd say, "Great, I'll just go because I can!"
It was a great night.

Broken Feet

Dear Dumbass,
Do not wear uncomfortable shoes to work when you have a 1 hour session with your trainer at the gym later!
Signed,
Your Broken, Battered Feet!
(treadmill endurance workout. OMG.)

Ten To Go

So, I set a goal for myself this year....
To read 50 books.
As of today, I'm at 40.
I really thought I'd blow through it during the summer, but I just didn't feel like reading all that much.
So, I have 10 to go.
Any suggestions?

These are my parents.
They're going through a very tough time right now.
My mother is very sick.
If you get a moment, could you please send some good thoughts their way?
Thank you.

Exhausted!

Work - internet in and out, took me waaaay too long to accomplish a simple task
Gym - HIGH impact 30 minute training session. Sweat dripping off of me everywhere. Seriously, my arms were dripping sweat.
Shower - now that I'm at the gym a lot, all I do is shower. We need more towels
Cook Dinner - chili!
Bed - 8pm!

Cocktails or Exercise?

So school started this week and it's been crazy.
Because of Hurricane Irene, we're a little behind where we
should be at this time, but we're all working VERY hard.
AND because we're all working so hard my BIG BOSS
decided to throw an Opening Week Cocktail Party.
How cool is that? How many schools throw cocktail
partys for the faculty and staff??
I love my job.
So, party scheduled for 2:30 Friday.
(another reason to love my job - wine at 2:30!)
PROBLEM:
Personal Trainer scheduled for 4:00 Friday.
I chose........


THE PERSONAL TRAINER


Seriously, it was a no brainer.
I am LOVING the gym.
I am LOVING exercising.

Had a great session, but my lower back
has really been bothering me.
Paul - trainer, not husband - had me try the foam roller.
I did something like this - no, that is not me

and rolled the roller up and down my back. It was great, CCCCCRRRRRAAAACCCCKKKKKK. My spine really seemed to open up. My lower back is still a little sore but it's going to take time to strengthen those muscles. Paul - trainer, not husband - had me lie on my stomach and  gave me a mini massage with the roller. He also told me I SHOULD GET A MASSAGE! It will release the toxins that have been building up in my muscles. I really have to listen to him, right??

You see - THAT is why I love going to the gym!!! 

Oh, Come On!

So I go to put my green sandals on the other day.
Weird.
They feel loose.
Ok, I've had them for a couple of years, maybe they've had it.
So I tighten them up and go on.

Few days later, I put my orange sandals on.
They are the same design as the green ones, but different brand.
Wait.
These are loose too.
I've only had them for a year.
So weird.
So I tighten them up and go on.

Then it dawns on me......
Gym
Trainer
Diet

I AM LOSING WEIGHT IN MY FEET!

OH COME ON!!!!!!!
WHAT THE HELL????!!!!!!!

He Kicked It Up A Notch

Gym
Personal Trainer
1 Hour
Kicked My Ass
Death Approaching

Gym Update

1 month at the gym and I can now do
  TEN PUSH-UPS!
  TEN!
-and not the "girly" kind
  TEN REAL PUSH-UPS!
 (very excited)

Chopped - 80's Style

So, I decided to get a haircut yesterday.
I am tired of wearing a baseball cap to the gym.
Seriously, that's why I wanted a cut.
I know, you're saying, "Kerry, just don't wear the hat."
Well, when you have crazy curly hair and
you work out like a MADWOMAN
the hair tends to get CRAZIER.

So, I went to the guy who cuts Dylan's hair.
He used to cut my hair
and always gave me a good cut.
BUT
2 years ago,he cut it REALLLLLLY SHORT.
I don't look good in short hair.
I need some length, people.
Some length to hide my jowls.

So, I walk in and say....
"Last time you cut my hair TOO SHORT."
I neglected to say
"DON'T DO THAT AGAIN!"
because
HE DID THAT AGAIN!

Seriously, I didn't think I HAD to say that again.

Well, it's really short, but not exactly like last time.
I sort of like it.
I can't tell yet.
It's a blunt cut just below my ears - SHORT
But I do have to say,
my curls are AMAZING!!!!!
And that's what I wanted, better CURLAGE.

It does look a little 80's.
And while I start to get angry
when I think that I could always turn
it around and start wearing
neon lace hair ties and black rubber bracelets.
Oh yeah, I did that back then.
Madonna would be so proud of me.

Skipper Gets Fit

So, I found this crazy new thing to try.....
It's called


EXERCISING


Have you heard of it?

I tried it years and years ago...
it never really caught on with me.

Well, I'm doing it now and......
I REALLY LIKE IT!

All summer I'd been thinking about joining a gym.
Yeah, yeah, another gym that I could
give my money to each month and the
closest I would get to it would be to drive by
occasionally.
This time, something was different.
I don't know what, but something.
I was ready.

So, I found a gym that costs $20 per month.
It doesn't offer classes so there are no Barbie dolls walking around
which I like as I'm more of a Skipper than a Barbie - a Skipper who has
seen better days, a Skipper who has given birth and stayed home
for 10 years finishing the leftover food on her doll baby's plate.
I'm THAT kind of Skipper.
(for all you guys out there, Skipper was Barbie's younger, less attractive sister)

This gym is mainly MEAT HEADS (think Jersey Shore)
and that's just fine with me.

I had a personal training session my first day and decided
that THAT was the way to go.
I'm training 3x per week! (that sounds so funny, "I'm training", hee hee)
My trainer's name is Paul and he is BUSTING MY BUTT - thank God, that's why I'm there.
Everyone asks me, "Is your trainer hot?"
No, he's not hot. He's adorable, I could be his mother and he's a great kid.
He's 25, very polite and he's doing his best to kill me. But in a nice, polite way.

So, I'm training (hee hee) 3x per week and doing cardio 3x per week
and you know what......
I'm loving it!
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to call Dylan to see if he can
help me out of this chair
because I am so sore, I can't move.

Clooney

So, Dylan has been invited to a
very fancy Bat Mitzvah in September.
The invitation says.....
"COCKTAIL ATTIRE".

Please tell me, what constitutes
COCKTAIL ATTIRE
for a 15 year old boy??

This is what we decided on:


I told him he could get a new tie.
He asked for a
BOW TIE.
He picked this one from High Cotton.

So the box comes and he says,
"How big IS this tie???!!!"

He opens the box and again,
"Really...?"

No, that is not the tie.

So he puts it on - oh yeah, it's a REAL bow tie.
He says "Mom, look, I'm George Clooney"
(I don't know where that came from)
What is supposed to look like
Scotch in a tumbler is really iced tea in a smiley glass.

Moody Clooney.

Oh, and by the way,
he taught himself how to tie that sucker - in one night.

45

I am 45 today.
WOO HOO!!!!!!!
It doesn't bother me in the least.
It's just a number.
I still act like a 12 year old at times.


Plans for today:
gym
dinner with family


Good day.

Gangs

So my son

made plans to go to the beach with his friends.
This would be his second time at the ocean without parental supervision.
He's 15, but I still worry.
So I said:
"You know to only swim by the lifeguards, right?"

He said:
"Yes mom, we only swim between the red flags."

Me: "DYLAN!"

Him: "I'm kidding, we're careful, I promise."

Then I went into the gang portion of my talk:
"If you run into any gangs........"

Him: "Where do you think I'm going??!!!!"

Me: "If you run into any gangs, remo......

Him: "I know, 'remove myself from the situation'."

I said:
"Dylan, it's my job as a parent to make sure you're safe."

My son then went into a stand up routine equal to any comic out there:

"Mom, we will not see any gangs. I have never seen any gangs. We're
going to the beach - no gangs. What do you think they do......

"Ok, ok, Latin Kings, Latin Kings, quite down, listen up.
We're all meeting at Ricky's house and then heading to the beach.
(cheering).
Julio, come on, Julio, quite down, I'm talking.
Now remember, next week.....Dave and Busters!!!
(more cheering)
And the week after that, White Water Rafting.
That will be a 'no knife trip', guns only. Knives will
pop the rafts. Remember, only guns."

This is my child.
MY child.

Africa Hot

Last week.
I've only now recovered.

Gardening

Each spring/summer I threaten to try my hand at gardening.

This year my friend Liz gave me a basil plant.
What was I supposed to do with it??
Well, I put it on top of a pot that once, a long
time ago, I tried growing flowers in.
The soil was still in there people.
It was hard as rock, but still.

So I put the basil plant there.
And I left it there.......for weeks.
It took root.
in the rock hard soil.

Ok, this was my chance...my chance to become a
GARDENER!!!!!!!!!

So one grossly humid Saturday I ran to the nursery and
picked up

1 tomato plant
1 cilantro plant
1 spearmint plant

I wanted to start small.
I knew we'd eat any tomatoes that grew,
and we love cilantro and as for the spearmint,
well, I know it's pretty tough to kill, so if the others
didn't take off, I'd at least have the spearmint.

Well, let me introduce you to my tomatoes!!

I spent $4.99 on this sucker and have 5 tomatoes.
I'd better get some more.
Here we have Ms. Spearmint on the left and Lil' Basil on the right

Yes, I finally gave Lil' Basil her own pot with brand new soil, that's
probably why she isn't doing so well. She's very thin and pale.

I did manage to get these from her

I added some lemon zest

Olive oil, garlic and lemon juice and blended

To make this fabulously yummy sauce to serve with grilled chicken
or, if you're Dylan, just about anything - he loves it.

I do think, however, that was the first and last harvest I will get
from Lil' Basil. She's so frail.

Please notice how right on the money I was about Ms. Spearmint.
She's slowly, quietly taking over.

I love her but there is only so much mint iced tea I can drink.
At the end of the season, she'll be transplanted and eventually
take over the entire front yard.

Last and certainly least, here is Dead Cilantro

Actually, Dead Cilantro turned into Thriving Coriander but
I don't know what the hell do to with Coriander so I just let it go.
I know, I know. I just couldn't deal, ok??!!
Just shut up and come over for some mint tea, ok?