Chopped - 80's Style

So, I decided to get a haircut yesterday.
I am tired of wearing a baseball cap to the gym.
Seriously, that's why I wanted a cut.
I know, you're saying, "Kerry, just don't wear the hat."
Well, when you have crazy curly hair and
you work out like a MADWOMAN
the hair tends to get CRAZIER.

So, I went to the guy who cuts Dylan's hair.
He used to cut my hair
and always gave me a good cut.
BUT
2 years ago,he cut it REALLLLLLY SHORT.
I don't look good in short hair.
I need some length, people.
Some length to hide my jowls.

So, I walk in and say....
"Last time you cut my hair TOO SHORT."
I neglected to say
"DON'T DO THAT AGAIN!"
because
HE DID THAT AGAIN!

Seriously, I didn't think I HAD to say that again.

Well, it's really short, but not exactly like last time.
I sort of like it.
I can't tell yet.
It's a blunt cut just below my ears - SHORT
But I do have to say,
my curls are AMAZING!!!!!
And that's what I wanted, better CURLAGE.

It does look a little 80's.
And while I start to get angry
when I think that I could always turn
it around and start wearing
neon lace hair ties and black rubber bracelets.
Oh yeah, I did that back then.
Madonna would be so proud of me.

Skipper Gets Fit

So, I found this crazy new thing to try.....
It's called


EXERCISING


Have you heard of it?

I tried it years and years ago...
it never really caught on with me.

Well, I'm doing it now and......
I REALLY LIKE IT!

All summer I'd been thinking about joining a gym.
Yeah, yeah, another gym that I could
give my money to each month and the
closest I would get to it would be to drive by
occasionally.
This time, something was different.
I don't know what, but something.
I was ready.

So, I found a gym that costs $20 per month.
It doesn't offer classes so there are no Barbie dolls walking around
which I like as I'm more of a Skipper than a Barbie - a Skipper who has
seen better days, a Skipper who has given birth and stayed home
for 10 years finishing the leftover food on her doll baby's plate.
I'm THAT kind of Skipper.
(for all you guys out there, Skipper was Barbie's younger, less attractive sister)

This gym is mainly MEAT HEADS (think Jersey Shore)
and that's just fine with me.

I had a personal training session my first day and decided
that THAT was the way to go.
I'm training 3x per week! (that sounds so funny, "I'm training", hee hee)
My trainer's name is Paul and he is BUSTING MY BUTT - thank God, that's why I'm there.
Everyone asks me, "Is your trainer hot?"
No, he's not hot. He's adorable, I could be his mother and he's a great kid.
He's 25, very polite and he's doing his best to kill me. But in a nice, polite way.

So, I'm training (hee hee) 3x per week and doing cardio 3x per week
and you know what......
I'm loving it!
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to call Dylan to see if he can
help me out of this chair
because I am so sore, I can't move.

Clooney

So, Dylan has been invited to a
very fancy Bat Mitzvah in September.
The invitation says.....
"COCKTAIL ATTIRE".

Please tell me, what constitutes
COCKTAIL ATTIRE
for a 15 year old boy??

This is what we decided on:


I told him he could get a new tie.
He asked for a
BOW TIE.
He picked this one from High Cotton.

So the box comes and he says,
"How big IS this tie???!!!"

He opens the box and again,
"Really...?"

No, that is not the tie.

So he puts it on - oh yeah, it's a REAL bow tie.
He says "Mom, look, I'm George Clooney"
(I don't know where that came from)
What is supposed to look like
Scotch in a tumbler is really iced tea in a smiley glass.

Moody Clooney.

Oh, and by the way,
he taught himself how to tie that sucker - in one night.

45

I am 45 today.
WOO HOO!!!!!!!
It doesn't bother me in the least.
It's just a number.
I still act like a 12 year old at times.


Plans for today:
gym
dinner with family


Good day.

Gangs

So my son

made plans to go to the beach with his friends.
This would be his second time at the ocean without parental supervision.
He's 15, but I still worry.
So I said:
"You know to only swim by the lifeguards, right?"

He said:
"Yes mom, we only swim between the red flags."

Me: "DYLAN!"

Him: "I'm kidding, we're careful, I promise."

Then I went into the gang portion of my talk:
"If you run into any gangs........"

Him: "Where do you think I'm going??!!!!"

Me: "If you run into any gangs, remo......

Him: "I know, 'remove myself from the situation'."

I said:
"Dylan, it's my job as a parent to make sure you're safe."

My son then went into a stand up routine equal to any comic out there:

"Mom, we will not see any gangs. I have never seen any gangs. We're
going to the beach - no gangs. What do you think they do......

"Ok, ok, Latin Kings, Latin Kings, quite down, listen up.
We're all meeting at Ricky's house and then heading to the beach.
(cheering).
Julio, come on, Julio, quite down, I'm talking.
Now remember, next week.....Dave and Busters!!!
(more cheering)
And the week after that, White Water Rafting.
That will be a 'no knife trip', guns only. Knives will
pop the rafts. Remember, only guns."

This is my child.
MY child.

Africa Hot

Last week.
I've only now recovered.

Gardening

Each spring/summer I threaten to try my hand at gardening.

This year my friend Liz gave me a basil plant.
What was I supposed to do with it??
Well, I put it on top of a pot that once, a long
time ago, I tried growing flowers in.
The soil was still in there people.
It was hard as rock, but still.

So I put the basil plant there.
And I left it there.......for weeks.
It took root.
in the rock hard soil.

Ok, this was my chance...my chance to become a
GARDENER!!!!!!!!!

So one grossly humid Saturday I ran to the nursery and
picked up

1 tomato plant
1 cilantro plant
1 spearmint plant

I wanted to start small.
I knew we'd eat any tomatoes that grew,
and we love cilantro and as for the spearmint,
well, I know it's pretty tough to kill, so if the others
didn't take off, I'd at least have the spearmint.

Well, let me introduce you to my tomatoes!!

I spent $4.99 on this sucker and have 5 tomatoes.
I'd better get some more.
Here we have Ms. Spearmint on the left and Lil' Basil on the right

Yes, I finally gave Lil' Basil her own pot with brand new soil, that's
probably why she isn't doing so well. She's very thin and pale.

I did manage to get these from her

I added some lemon zest

Olive oil, garlic and lemon juice and blended

To make this fabulously yummy sauce to serve with grilled chicken
or, if you're Dylan, just about anything - he loves it.

I do think, however, that was the first and last harvest I will get
from Lil' Basil. She's so frail.

Please notice how right on the money I was about Ms. Spearmint.
She's slowly, quietly taking over.

I love her but there is only so much mint iced tea I can drink.
At the end of the season, she'll be transplanted and eventually
take over the entire front yard.

Last and certainly least, here is Dead Cilantro

Actually, Dead Cilantro turned into Thriving Coriander but
I don't know what the hell do to with Coriander so I just let it go.
I know, I know. I just couldn't deal, ok??!!
Just shut up and come over for some mint tea, ok?

If I Lived in Kansas......

If I lived in Kansas, or somewhere with
miles and miles of flatness I would get this

MASH!!

Have you seen these??

Mash is described as a "natural fruit essence, low calorie water drink.”
I had the Ripe Mango Blood Orange flavor today.
So refreshing on a scorcher of a day.
If you can find it - try it!!

Welcome To Dylan's World

Out of Sorts

I had a migraine yesterday - the really bad kind.
The close the blinds, throw up, pray that it will
be over soon kind.
I went to bed at 3pm yesterday.
The headache is gone, but now I'm
out of sorts.
Today promises to be slow moving.
Oh joy.
But at least the migraine is gone!

Um..Hello! Awesome Mom Alert

Yes I am an awesome mom.
Why?
Because Dylan and his friend Connor
are going to the midnight showing of
Harry Potter and I am driving them.
I'm tired people!
Normally I'd be in bed by now.
All I can say is that
PAUL HAD BETTER PICK THEM UP!