I Am A Bad Ass Fireball

I'd have to call today one of the

5 worst days of my life so far.

My mother's younger sister

is an alcoholic - on and off the wagon for years.

Lost her

marriage

children

2 businesses

-broke into her neighbor's house to steal booze

-drove her car into a lake

-drank mouth wash and turpentine

You get the picture, right?

Well, this sister wanted to come down from

Vermont and stay with my mother

and take care of her this week.

(mom has stage 4 brain cancer)

Really?

Dad said no way.

Mom wanted her here, wanted to give her a chance.

Lame ass solution:

her enabling boyfriend brought her down last night.

He was going to "watch her" and take her home if

she drank.

Well, apparently, the boyfriend isn't a very good watcher.

9:40am - voice mail from the boyfriend:

"Hi this is Les. She's drinking, I have to take her home.

Can you come stay with your mother right away?"

Way to go, Les!

Um. I'm at work.

30 minutes away.

Dad is at work.

Mom is home with a drunk and some guy named Les.

I. Am. Furious.

Like 'can't see straight' furious.

Left work

Called Paul who was still home, asked him to

get over there and said:

"DON'T LET THEM LEAVE BEFORE I GET THERE"

Did you know a Volkswagen Beetle can go 100 mph?

Neither did I until I looked down and saw it.

I've never driven that fast and no, I'm not proud of it.

When I got to the house, Paul said he could "feel"

me coming and when I walked in

I was like a FIREBALL.

I walked right over to the drunk

who was lying on the couch

leaned in, pointed my finger at her and said:

"GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE

AND DON'T EVER COME HERE AGAIN

YOU SELFISH, SELFISH BEAST!"

Then I went to see if my mother

was alright. She was fine, but sad.

Les and the drunk drove off.

After my father got home,

I went home and went to bed.

I was absolutely exhausted.

Had a gym appt. at 4.

Didn't want to go.

Didn't think I'd make it through.

Was all set to cut it short,

take a shower

take a Xanax

and go to bed.

I went.

Focused.

Worked.

Loved it.

Washed away all the craziness of the day.

As Paul cooked dinner I kept asking him

"Tell me what I said again?"

"How did I say it?"

"How did I sound?"

Today started out as one of the

worst days I have ever, ever had

but ended up not so bad.

I took care of business.

I am a bad ass.

A bad ass fireball.

Words With Friends

So, anyone up for a game?

My screen name is

Pne Funny Mom.

yeah, Pne.

It was supposed to be

ONE funny mom

but I pressed the P instead of the O

and now I can't figure out how to change it.

Christmas

Ok, so this isn't the best Christmas.

Ok. So what.

Usually we go to Massachusetts for Christmas,

(all you burglars out there, make a note for next year)

Paul's sister lives there. His father comes and

sometimes his brother shows up.

My folks always go to Connecticut.

But we always spend Christmas Eve together.

We go to a local pub, Gallagher's and

we all have Gallagher's burgers.

This year, we STILL had our burgers,

but we ordered in:

This was us at Gallaghers two months ago:

As for Christmas traveling, my parents

decided they wouldn't be able to make the

trip to CT so I stayed behind to spend Christmas

with them.

I cooked a 5lb beef tenderloin.

I was so worried about overcooking it

that I waaaay undercooked it.

It was so rare it was blue inside.

-dad loved it.

I miss my son and husband, but I'm glad

I stayed behind.

My parents need help.

It's too much for my father.

I called Hospice this morning, just for information.

The woman on the line was

so wonderful

so supportive

so full of information.

I cried.

She said she was praying for our family.

More angels.

Look what I got for Christmas.Purple and black weight lifting gloves.

Yeah, I'm a bad ass.

Mess

This is pretty much what the

inside of my head looks like these days.

Today

Make pea soup.

Bake cookies.

Thank you notes.

Parents' House

Gym.

Shower.

Drive Dylan to a party.

Xanax.

Bed.

Strength

Stopped at my folks house this morning

to drop something off for later.

Dad had to run an errand, asked me

to wait around in case my mother woke up.

He left.

She woke up.

Ok.

I can handle this.

I got her a cup of coffee - with a straw.

Good start.

Then she wanted to get up.

Ok, I can handle this.

Got her up.

Got her washed up.

Got her dressed.

Lots of laughter,

a few tears,

but lots of laughter.

I told her we'd have to wait until

Dad got back to get downstairs.

I don't think I could manage the stairs.

Dad came back.

I went to work.

2:15.

Get a call that mom needs help.

Ok, I can handle this.

(I'll be honest, I didn't think that

at the time)

I drove home WAY too fast.

Took care of things.

I handled it.

I have been praying for strength.

My prayers are being answered.

I am grateful.

Oh, and I'm grateful for egg nog too.

Mom and I rested and each had a

glass of really heavily spiked egg nog.

We earned it.

Break-Up

(me screaming)

PAUL MY TRAINER NOT MY HUSBAND

BROKE UP WITH ME!

Today was my first day back at

the gym after almost 2 weeks

of knee trouble.

I was so psyched to go back!

Paul my trainer not my husband

walked over, made a little small talk

and then said...

"I have to tell you something. Today is my last day."

screeching halt - WHAT??!!!

We've been through so much together.

You know that my mother is sick.

I know that your parents are splitting up.

You know about my knee arthritis.

I know about your shoulder damage.

You know I hate ab work.

I know you like 'spanish chicks'.

You know how much I weigh!!!

Ok, I'm happy for him.

He's taking a full time job.

He's been looking to do something

more with his life - see how much I know!!

I'm just being selfish.

Paul my trainer not my husband

understood me, he got me.

Now I have to try to find that again.

Bummer.

Hope.

Monday was a tough day.

Went with my parents to chemo.

As we were struggling to get my mother

down some stairs and through some doors

I noticed at least 5 people just standing

there watching us.

JUST STANDING THERE.

JUST WATCHING.

...um, how about holding a door open??!!

My poor mother is struggling with a walker

and she has no balance and

NO ONE CAN EVEN HOLD A DOOR?

Well, I had had it.

I said

OUT LOUD

"I CAN'T BELIEVE THESE FUCKERS!"

I really thought my father would backhand me

for saying that, but I'm pretty sure he was thinking

the same exact thing.

Well, one of the fuckers manned up

and opened a door for us.

I thanked him profusely.

So, 3 hours at chemo.

My dad had a game that night,

so after work, I went over to their

house and made dinner and stayed

with my mother until dad came home.

My brother Ken came over, we had a good

time, but I see what's coming.

I don't want to do this.

I don't want it to happen.

Ok, I'm scared.

That night I had a wonderful dream.

It was about me and my friend Karen.

Karen is a mom at school, a social worker

a wonderful source of encouragement and a

very good friend.

Karen asked if I wanted to go out on her boat.

BUT, she told me to swim out ahead of the boat.

As I was swimming, huge swells formed in the water.

Huge.

I remember thinking, this is what it was like in the

movie Castaway.

I was scared and kept thinking that the swells would

crash down on me and I would drown.

As each swell approached, I looked back at Karen,

and she would yell to me

"You'll be okay."

and I would ride the swell only to encounter the

next larger swell, sure it was going to come

crashing down on my head.

Again, I would look back at Karen, terrified.

"You're going to be okay!"

Again and again it happened and again and again,

I rode each swell.

Nothing crashing down on me.

Eventually, we made it through the rough water

and as we finally floated in the calm, I looked at her

and she said,

"I told you you'd make it through."

I'm going to make it through.

On the DL

So, my GOOD knee had been bothering me for

a few days. I figured I strained it on my

new favorite thing at the gym (rower).

Ok, so I'll stay off it for awhile, fine.

So, I'm going through my day,

minding my own business

when all of a sudden

POP!

My knee went

POP!

Then

PAIN!

Hmmm, something is wrong.

(I am a genius)

So, I went to the doctor and he said

it looks like I had something called a

Bakers Cyst (gross)

which burst (grosser)

and caused the pain and swelling

and was likely caused by

a torn miniscus.

Great.

So, I took the week off from the gym

which is

KILLING ME.

Gym=Crack for Kerry

Next up - MRI.

Cancer Chronicles - Angels

Tough weekend for my mother.

I brought dinner over to my parents yesterday

and my mother was in bed.

She has no strength at all in her legs.

She's been using a walker to get around,

but yesterday she just couldn't get up.

My poor father.

Why didn't he call me??

I think he's exhausted,

and doesn't know what to do.

I checked on my mother,

made sure my father was "ok"

then went home to plan the week.

I was stressing.

I would leave work early to be home

with mom so my Dad could work

Dylan could walk over after school.

I called my brother, his wife was available on Monday.

Should we call Hospice?

I don't know what to do....

WHY DON'T I KNOW WHAT TO DO!

Then the Angels arrived.

A little later I called my father to see how he was doing.

I heard all these voices in the background.

My mother's friends had stopped by,

saw what was going on and rallied!

They worked together to get her up

and brought her downstairs.

One, who happens to be a nurse,

arranged to take a few days off

to stay over night for a couple of days.

One is calling a friend who works with Hospice.

One got a pizza and they had a pizza party!

Ok, we're going to be ok for a few days.

These angels, are going to help us.

Help us figure out what we need to do.

I truly believe in Angels.

Green Bananas

I thought this was pretty amusing when I saw it.

So much so, that I had to take a picture:

I have since learned that one can cook with

Green Bananas.

Thank goodness they are the same price

as the ripe ones.