Hope.

Monday was a tough day.

Went with my parents to chemo.

As we were struggling to get my mother

down some stairs and through some doors

I noticed at least 5 people just standing

there watching us.

JUST STANDING THERE.

JUST WATCHING.

...um, how about holding a door open??!!

My poor mother is struggling with a walker

and she has no balance and

NO ONE CAN EVEN HOLD A DOOR?

Well, I had had it.

I said

OUT LOUD

"I CAN'T BELIEVE THESE FUCKERS!"

I really thought my father would backhand me

for saying that, but I'm pretty sure he was thinking

the same exact thing.

Well, one of the fuckers manned up

and opened a door for us.

I thanked him profusely.

So, 3 hours at chemo.

My dad had a game that night,

so after work, I went over to their

house and made dinner and stayed

with my mother until dad came home.

My brother Ken came over, we had a good

time, but I see what's coming.

I don't want to do this.

I don't want it to happen.

Ok, I'm scared.

That night I had a wonderful dream.

It was about me and my friend Karen.

Karen is a mom at school, a social worker

a wonderful source of encouragement and a

very good friend.

Karen asked if I wanted to go out on her boat.

BUT, she told me to swim out ahead of the boat.

As I was swimming, huge swells formed in the water.

Huge.

I remember thinking, this is what it was like in the

movie Castaway.

I was scared and kept thinking that the swells would

crash down on me and I would drown.

As each swell approached, I looked back at Karen,

and she would yell to me

"You'll be okay."

and I would ride the swell only to encounter the

next larger swell, sure it was going to come

crashing down on my head.

Again, I would look back at Karen, terrified.

"You're going to be okay!"

Again and again it happened and again and again,

I rode each swell.

Nothing crashing down on me.

Eventually, we made it through the rough water

and as we finally floated in the calm, I looked at her

and she said,

"I told you you'd make it through."

I'm going to make it through.