Recovery

Thursday night was our camp musical.
The kids were great. The show was great.
I was very proud of them.
Very proud and very tired.
The next day was Olympic Day and China
placed 4th, which is great since I was expecting 6th.
-even though our Sushi rocked the house.

My kids were not....how shall I put this.....all that interested
in being athletic on Friday. It was too hot. At one point,I was
alerted to the fact that my favorite, Mitchell (see below)
decided he'd had enough and just lay down in the middle
of the field. He was done.
So was I.
Saturday I slept.
I slept and slept and slept.
Then I slept some more.
And after that, I took a nap.

Woman on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown.

I will go down in history as the first woman killed by
a group of 8 year olds.
They're killin' me I tell ya!
How many times have I said I love my job?
Many.
I do.
I love my job.
See??!! I said it again.
It's just the kids.......
Yeah, that's a bummer when you're a camp counselor.
Now, I love the kids, but they are a lot of work.
And they don't listen.
THEY DON'T LISTEN!
Those ears don't even work.
They're simply decorative, used for either earrings,
to hold up glasses or as a gauge...something for
the head to grow into.
Today I seriously contemplated getting a bottle of
wine on the way home. A bottle of wine and a straw.
However, I didn't even leave camp until 7pm, then
between running to the supermarket to pick up
$30 worth of "crap" to make candy sushi, then running
to another store for Swedish Fish, then listening
to the gross man at the gas station telling some
guy about his friend caught in the "coke sting" that
"went down" a few blocks away...I kind of forgot about the wine.
Thank God for Xanax.

Mitchell

Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Yes, Mitchell?
Kerry?
Yes?
What are we doing now?
We're not talking, Mitchell.
Oh.
Kerry?

Happy Monday!

I know I'm in the minority, but I've always liked Mondays.
Even when I was in school, it wasn't Monday's I hated,
it was Sundays - because the next day was Monday.
Anyway, Happy Monday! New beginning!!
I have a busy week ahead of me.
Not only does my musical open (and close) on Thursday,
but I have to transform my homeroom into China with the
"help" of 32 9 year olds. Wish me luck.
Have a great day!!!

我們鞭打他們的驢子!

Next week is Olympic Week at camp.
I am the new emperor of China.
I will now be known as 捲曲女孩 (Curly Girl).
Along with the usual track and field events
we have to make a banner, "dress up",
write a song, write a cheer and present the judges with
A NO-COOK FOOD FROM OUR COUNTRY.
What the hell is that??!!!
But my favorite part is that we have to take into
consideration all the FOOD ALLERGIES the kids have.
I figure...... that leaves me with air and salt.
Seriously.
At the beginning of the summer, I received a long
list of my kid's allergies. They range from bee stings
to peanuts, from shellfish to cats.
Now lets just take a look at this, shall we?
1.) Bee stings.
We're at camp.
Outside.
Bees live outside.
Sting = death. Need Epi pen. Got it.
2.) Peanuts.
Everything has peanuts in it, may have been made in
a plant that also makes something with peanuts in it,
the person running the machine making the thing
may have been scared by Mr. Peanut as a child.
or maybe he voted for Jimmy Carter.
Peanuts = death. Need Epi pen. Got it.
3.) Shellfish.
WE.
ARE.
AT.
SUMMER.
CAMP.
Lobster Thursdays don't exist at summer camp.
But I get it.
If Chef Rob decides to substitute shrimp cocktail
for chicken nuggets, I need to be ready with an Epi pen.
4.) Cats.
Cats?
What the hell?
But this brings me back to the no cook dish I have
make for Olympic Week.
(China.....cats.......you get where I'm going, right?)
No, no. Relax.
I came up with a fantastic idea!
I remember seeing these a long time ago:

Candy Sushi.
I can make that!
And I'll put it in a Chinese take-out container which I'll
decorate, and I'll serve it with chopsticks.
The judges will be so impressed!!!
I shared my excitement with Paul.
He started smirking.
I'm like, "What??!! It's a fantastic idea!! We'll win!"
He's like "Sushi is Japanese, sweetie."
I'm such a dumb ass.

Camel's Back - Broken

Yeah, the straw that broke it......
two boys in my group.

*for those of you who are not regulars on my blog,
the group I am referring to is not the boy band
I belong to, but the group of 32 little darlings
I am responsible for at day camp.*

Yeah, so two "adorable" 9 year olds sent me
over the edge. I'd spoken to both of them roughly
8 times combined, and one is FRESH so his
reprimands count as double in my book
Well, at the end of the day they were at it again.
I "escorted" them into the hallway, sat them down
and let them have it.
"ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! DO NOT TOUCH EACH OTHER
DO NOT GO NEAR EACH OTHER, DO NOT LOOK AT
ONE ANOTHER FOR THE REST OF THE SUMMER.
ENOUGH!!!!
GOT IT????????"

I sent them back into our homeroom.
I noticed that there were two other group leaders
watching my explosion.
For a second, I wondered...hmmmmm......
Then the cheering started.

Oy Vey

pa·tience [pey-shuhns]
–noun
1. the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2. an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay: to have patience with a slow learner.
3. quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence: to work with patience.

Where can I buy me some of that there patience?
Signed,
Weary Day Camp Counselor of 8-9 year olds

Decisions, decisions

Can't make up my mind.
Of all the major things going on in the world
Kerry is having a tough time picking out a new tote bag.
I know.
Very sad.
I'm currently using this

Your basic zipper top, sturdy, no nosense canvas tote.
The problem is....I'm totally into nonsense.
Love nonsense.
This bag, while very practical (thanks Jen) is just too big.
When you have a big bag you tend to fill it and I just can't
carry this thing around all day. I'm begining to resemble
Quasi Moto or that crazy lady you see rushing around to
who knows where with a giant bag on her shoulder full of junk.
So I'm in search of a smaller bag with:
-a zipper
-cool color or design
-pink, orange or green on it
What have you got for me?

Another summer day.

One year ago today I broke my elbow.
We're having cake later.

I went out last night with some great people from camp.
We went for Mexican.
Had a GREAT time, laughed a lot.
However....
when we the party broke up and I was
walking to my car I noticed that it was....
STILL LIGHT OUT!
Yeah, my big night ended at 8:30!
Yet another sign that I am old.

I broke a record today.
I got myself showered, hair dried,
dressed and did the make-up in
30 MINUTES!
I've NEVER done that before.
What inspired me?
Well, at 1:15 I remembered that Dylan's
best friend's birthday party was today.....
at 2:30....and Dylan wasn't even here.
He was at my parent's house.
He never would have forgiven me if I let
him miss the party.
So I really hustled and he got there at 2:25!
Sometimes I really amaze myself.
Actually, I amaze myself quite often.
Not always in a good way.

One Word Meme

One word meme

1. Where is your cell phone? tote

2. Relationship? Fantastic!

3. Your hair? wet

4. Work? great!

5. Your sister? none

6. Your favorite thing? scrapbooking

7. Your dream last night? nuthin'

8. Your favorite drink? Coffee

9. Your dream car? Lexus

10. The room you’re in? living

11. Your shoes? Barefoot.

12. Your fears? heights

13. What do you want to be in 10 years? sexy

14. Who did you hang out with this weekend? family

15. What are you not good at? drawing

16. Muffin? cranberry

17. One of your wish list items? eliptical machine

18. Where you grew up? NY

19. Last thing you did? showered

20. What are you wearing? robe

21. What aren’t you wearing? everything else

22. Your pet? none

23. Your computer? MAC!

24. Your life? great!

25. Your mood? tried

26. Missing? babies

27. What are you thinking about right now? coffee

28. Your car? Camary

29. Your kitchen? red

30. Your summer? busy

31. Your favorite color? green

32. Last time you laughed? today

33. Last time you cried? months

34. School? love

35. Love? family!

Repeat after me.....

You live down the STREET.
NOT
...down the SHTREET.

It's a STOP sign
NOT
...a SHTOP sign

ASK me a question.
Please don't AX me one.

Bring your books back to the LIBRARY.
Not the LIBERRY.

Please try to keep these words in your
STREAM of Consciousness.
Not your SHTREAM of anything - GOT IT??!!!!

An Open Letter to Chris Isaak

Dear Chris Isaak,
The next time you get the call to sing
our National Anthem for the
All Star Game.....
LEARN THE WORDS.
You suck.
.......and you should be ashamed of yourself.
Love,
Kerry

The Preppy is coming out...

I wasn't born a prep.
I became one in high school
I attended an all girls Catholic high school where
our school colors were pink and green.
No, not really, but you'd think so by looking at us.
However, you NEVER wore pink and green on Thursdays
because if you did it meant you were gay.
Whatever.
This was our bible:

We didn't know the book was a JOKE.
We thought it was law and all abided by it.
I bought one on ebay when I started working at our new school.
Seems like these families don't know it's a joke either.
Well, somehow I stumbled upon a bunch of PREPPY BLOGS
and you know what.....those pink and green feelings started up again.
I want these:

($38 for flip flops, stop me please)
and one of these:

Yes my inner preppy is struggling to get out.
I also want anything pink.
I suppose this started when I purchased a summer wardrobe for Dylan from Abercrombie.
Yeah, a whole wardrobe.
It's preppy stuff. Messy preppy, but still preppy.
Those clothes stirred up those old feelings.
I'm so not preppy anymore.
I'm into brown and orange.
I do however own about 6 pairs of khaki pants.
Hmmmm.
WAIT!
PREPS DO NOT HAVE CURLY HAIR.
I know that for a fact as my brother was married on Nantucket
and I was the only woman on the island with curls.
Actually, I think I was the only woman on the island
who didn't have straight blonde hair.
Ok, off to work.
We'll see if I still have these feelings when I get home.

Men and their Problems

Why is it that every little change,
every little blip in life,
every little THING is a
PROBLEM to a man??
Have you ever noticed that?

"Kerry, we have a problem. I'm supposed to go
to the city tomorrow but Dylan has to go to
a friend's house and you were going to go shopping.
What are we going to do?"

...this is a problem?

I asked the camp director if I could have a
few minutes with him to discuss the play.
His answer..."Ok, what's the problem?"

THERE IS NO PROBLEM.
Can't we just discuss?

Maybe it's because they are problem solvers.
Or maybe they can't handle change?
Or maybe it's just the guys in my life, and if
that's the case, I have a problem.

I ROCK!

Hey!
My blog ROCKS!
I actually won an award for poking fun at my life and yelling
at all the stupid people I run into.
I KNEW it would pay off!

This prestigious award was bestowed upon
me by Lara at Overstuffed
Love her! Thank you Miss Lara.
I must now pass the award on to 5 Rockin' Women.

My first pick isMilissa at Howe's Life
Milissa makes beautiful cards, I love to see
what she comes up with.Her monthly kits are THE BEST, esp.
if you want to get pubbed. She has a knack for picking
out stuff that just goes together so well.
tip: if you want a kit, you have to act FAST - they sell out right away.
She also takes great pics and has two beautiful daughters.

Roxann has a fun blog.
She always makes me smile!

Kimber rocks the house.
She is such a talented crafter, I love looking at her work.

Christina is so freakin' funny. She just needs to stop
going on vacation because I need more blog entries from her. I go into withdrawal.

Everyone should check out Flip-FLop Mom.
I do believe she is the kindest soul on the whole darn internet, therefore - she rocks!

WIRED

Hurray!
Let's hear it for my new prescription migraine pills!
You know the ones I'm talking about.
The new ones
The ones that
KEEP ME AWAKE ALL NIGHT!
Yeah I know, at least I don't have a headache.
Shut up.