Things Falling Into Place

Ok.

We have round the clock care set up.

Lidia is lovely, quiet, never leaves my mother's side.

Noni, is like a bull in a china shop.

"I do! I do!"

Good, we want her to do.

She also gives good hugs :-).

AND my father likes her a lot.

Great!

Hospice came in, meds under control.

I feel like I can relax now.

I've been sleeping A LOT, catching up.

I think I will only get out of my pjs

long enough to visit with my parents

and go to the gym, then shower and back to bed.

A good day.

I Work At The Greatest Place On Earth (no, not the circus)

My way of holding it together is

to take charge and organize.

Let me call the doctors.

Let me make the appointments.

Let me schedule visits, cooking, care.

As long as I have "work" to do, I'm okay.

I'm too busy to "feel" anything for myself.

No crying.

Too busy.

Well, that was until I received

a voice mail message from my boss, Alex.

I took 3 unexpected days off from work this week.

Alex was on vacation and I was very worried

about leaving the office empty.

Alex called to tell me not to worry.

She told me about all the people who came

by our office asking for me.

She said to not even think about work.

She brought dinner to my parents' house

TWICE.

The chef at school sent home dinner for us

both nights too.

A family at school owns my favorite Greek

restaurant - and I'm not just saying that, it

really is my favorite, and my mother has been there

many times.

They sent home LEMON POTATOES, a perfect

comfort food. I told my mother who is mostly

unresponsive and her face actually lit up!

My friend Karen, a parent, has been emailing.

My friend Kim also a parent, sent home a Prayer Scapular.

My friend Colleen in the business office has been texting

me to see how I am.

They got to me.

I cried.

So.....

Yeah, so mom's health has really taken a turn

in the last two days.

Things are not going all that well, but

I guess it depends on how you look at it.

Well: no pain

Not So Well: agitation

Well: sleeping

Not So Well: a lot of sleeping

Well: eating

Not So Well: very little communication

We found a wonderful home health aide

through Bridget's Irish Nurses.

Lidia is Russian.

She is thoughtful, caring, attentive.

She is at my mother's side the entire time,

unless she's making lunch or folding laundry.

She gives good advice and comforting hugs.

We are so fortunate to find such a wonderful caregiver.

We called for an additional Irish/Russian nurse as

we need round the clock care now.

(I'm writing this at 2:15 am - I'm on overnight duty)

We had a visit from our doctor today.

Yeah, the head of Mt. Sinai's Neuro Oncology dept. makes house calls.

He's also about 2 years younger than Doogie Howser.

He told us what we really already knew, but when

Doogie tells you, it's okay.

Oh, that and the fact that the mouse trap in the

kitchen snapped while he was telling us lightened the mood.

On a -SO NOT MORBID- note:

Mom received Last Rites today.

seriously, SO NOT MORBID.

It was actually beautiful and I was so

glad I was able to take part in it.

The priest came when family and friends

were here, we all joined hands and prayed together.

So, that's where we are right now.

Yeah, it sucks, but that's life....and death

and we motor through.

Valium

Yup.

Newest Favorite Thing

I was going to post yet another cancer rant

but instead I am telling you about

MY NEWEST FAVORITE THING

Started reading this on Friday.

I cannot wait to finish it tonight.

It's so good, I don't want it to end.

I keep coming up with excuses not to

sit down and finish it.

It's really good!!!

*Update: 10:11 pm

Just finished it.

Great book.

My Therapy

Thank God for the gym.

Yeah, six months ago, I never would

have said anything like that.

Six months ago I was a professional sitter.

I could sit on the couch like nobody's business.

If there was a sitting event in the Olympics I would medal.

Lovin' the gym, people!!

If you've been reading my blog, you know that

not too long ago Paul my trainer not my husband

broke up with me, and all he left me with was a

rotten case of golfer's elbow (which happens when

your trainer who is leaving the gym and doesn't seem to

care, throws a medicine ball to you waaay to hard and

you catch it and think 'OW, WTF?')

Well, I have a new trainer; Jeff.

Just Jeff.

I was a little apprehensive to work with someone new.

But......

Jeff

Is

Terrific!!!

He's older than I am.

He understands that I want to get into shape, not go through basic training.

He does NOT text all during our sessions.

He's funny.

I like Jeff.

I think about him all the time because

MY BODY ACHES FOR DAYS AFTER A TRAINING SESSION!!

I'm no longer a sitter.

I have more energy than I ever had in my life.

I feel great.

I can go, go, go.

All that stuff that people say about exercise....

IT'S TRUE!!!

I don't know how I'd get through my mother's illness

if I didn't have the gym, both for the energy aspect

and the 'focus on something else' aspect.

The gym is my therapy.

Have to run, I have a therapy session at 8am!!!

Update

Dad is coming around.

Welcome to the Crazy House

Ok, so my mother is dying.

Ok, we know that.

We all know that.

This past week she has deteriorated quite a bit.

Her doctor ordered a hospital bed for the house

so she wouldn't have to be taken upstairs.

Great.

The bed comes.

It's much smaller than I expected, not "hospitally" looking.

We put quilts and fluffy pillows on it to make it look like home.

DAD DOESN'T WANT HER TO USE IT.

My 71 year old father would rather carry her upstairs

to their bed.

We're all worried he's going to have a heart attack or

fall down the stairs.

My mother decided that she wanted to sleep in the hospital bed.

Great!

I purchased a baby monitor so my father could hear her if she called.

As we're putting her in the bed my father says:

"Wouldn't you rather go upstairs to your own big bed?"

STOP!!!

THIS IS BETTER!!!

-no I didn't say that.

I also spent hours on the phone with the

social worker and medicare

to find out about home health care.

I get all the info, relay it to my father and he says.

"We don't want that."

REALLY??? - WE NEED THAT!!!

-no I didn't say that either.

Ok.

I know he is grieving.

I know he is trying to deal with this horrible

situation as best he can, or actually, any way he can.

I know they have very little control over what is

happening and these are two things they can control.

I have to keep telling myself that.

I have to be supportive.

Ugh.

It's like a crazy house.

A crazy house full of love, but crazy nonetheless.

Before and After

Before:

After!

One For The Books

So, Dylan's band, One For The Books, performed in the school talent show.

They were GREAT!!!

Seriously, GREAT!!!

Check this out.

Dyan is the one in red.

My Day.

I claimed today for me.

I slept late.

I laid around in my pajamas.

I ate.

I surfed the net in my pajamas.

I ate.

I watched TV in my pajamas.

I ate.

I went for a run - not in my pajamas.

I showered.

I put on new pajamas.

I watched TV in my new pajamas.

I cooked sausage and peppers in my new pajamas.

I'm watching the last Harry Potter movie in my new pajamas.

All me, all day.

I Am A Bad Ass Fireball

I'd have to call today one of the

5 worst days of my life so far.

My mother's younger sister

is an alcoholic - on and off the wagon for years.

Lost her

marriage

children

2 businesses

-broke into her neighbor's house to steal booze

-drove her car into a lake

-drank mouth wash and turpentine

You get the picture, right?

Well, this sister wanted to come down from

Vermont and stay with my mother

and take care of her this week.

(mom has stage 4 brain cancer)

Really?

Dad said no way.

Mom wanted her here, wanted to give her a chance.

Lame ass solution:

her enabling boyfriend brought her down last night.

He was going to "watch her" and take her home if

she drank.

Well, apparently, the boyfriend isn't a very good watcher.

9:40am - voice mail from the boyfriend:

"Hi this is Les. She's drinking, I have to take her home.

Can you come stay with your mother right away?"

Way to go, Les!

Um. I'm at work.

30 minutes away.

Dad is at work.

Mom is home with a drunk and some guy named Les.

I. Am. Furious.

Like 'can't see straight' furious.

Left work

Called Paul who was still home, asked him to

get over there and said:

"DON'T LET THEM LEAVE BEFORE I GET THERE"

Did you know a Volkswagen Beetle can go 100 mph?

Neither did I until I looked down and saw it.

I've never driven that fast and no, I'm not proud of it.

When I got to the house, Paul said he could "feel"

me coming and when I walked in

I was like a FIREBALL.

I walked right over to the drunk

who was lying on the couch

leaned in, pointed my finger at her and said:

"GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE

AND DON'T EVER COME HERE AGAIN

YOU SELFISH, SELFISH BEAST!"

Then I went to see if my mother

was alright. She was fine, but sad.

Les and the drunk drove off.

After my father got home,

I went home and went to bed.

I was absolutely exhausted.

Had a gym appt. at 4.

Didn't want to go.

Didn't think I'd make it through.

Was all set to cut it short,

take a shower

take a Xanax

and go to bed.

I went.

Focused.

Worked.

Loved it.

Washed away all the craziness of the day.

As Paul cooked dinner I kept asking him

"Tell me what I said again?"

"How did I say it?"

"How did I sound?"

Today started out as one of the

worst days I have ever, ever had

but ended up not so bad.

I took care of business.

I am a bad ass.

A bad ass fireball.