Love 'em all.

So here we are in week 6 of summer camp.
Those little 8 and 9 year olds that were driving
me to drink are now my little buddies.
They grow on you, ya know?
No, literally, they hang off me all day long.
I love:
-Mitchell - "Kerry. Kerry. Kerry. Kerry....."
-Katie tells me that her day was super because she was with me.
-Sara who hugs me all the time.
-I am no longer afraid of Anthony. All he needed was a little
attention and a few Starbursts.
-and Matthew.....
Ah,Matthew.
He may be my favorite.
He's tough, but lovable...and very fresh, but we're working on that.
I let him know he's approaching the "fresh line" and we need to back away.
He thinks that's funny, but he backs off.
He's also the one who I caught writing "this place suks" on the wall".
I always seem to catch him doing "things" and he can't understand it.
The other day I came around the corner to see him throwing his
water bottle up into the air knocking ceiling tiles out of whack.
His claim -
"Everyone does things, why do you always catch me?"
Well, yesterday he punched another little guy in the nuts.
The details are not important (well, I guess they are to the other kid)
but this deed earned Matthew a trip to the office.
After his "talking to" I came in and asked him what happened.
Sadly, he explained:
"Well, I apologized and I don't have to go home. But....
the next time something happens I'm getting thrown
out of camp.........and that'll probably be tomorrow."
He sounded like "well, I guess this is it, I may as well
just throw my hands up in the air and surrender. There's no hope"
He was so cute, in a sad sort of way.
Oh well, I hope we make it through the day together.
Maybe I'll just keep him by my side all day....and on a leash.
And NO water bottles.

Boy Scout

Yeah, so my baby has been away at Boy Scout camp all week.
HE HAS NOT CALLED ONCE!
NOT ONCE!
I've checked the news, haven't heard about any bear attacks
or boy scouts lost in the mountains or anything.
So tell me, why hasn't he called???!!!!
We were told they'd call on Wednesday evening.
Paul and I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Maybe that's why I got the migraine.
That little shit must be having the time of his life
while his parents AND grandparents worry their lives away.
He gets back today.
I'm going to punish him for having such a good time.
The nerve!
*Update:
He's home.
He's filthy.
He didn't call because he LOST all his money and
his phone card. He thinks someone took it,
but he had a great time.

migraine

I had a WICKED migraine yesterday.
It woke me up at 3:30am.
I take Midrin and took 8 of them yesterday.
I'm only supposed to take 5 in a 12 hour period.
Oh well, say goodbye to my liver.
I still have the headache today
but not as severe.
I have to call the MD for something stronger.
Either that or I have to start carrying a hammer
around with me. A hammer would help.

Thumper - R.I.P.

The camp has a rabbit named Thumper.
His hutch is near the locker rooms so every day at
swim time the kids beg to go see him.
The kids LOVE to visit with Thumper and
secretly feed him leaves and other crap they find on the ground.
Well, guess what. Thumper died on Monday. We didn't really
tell anyone, didn't want to upset the kids.
So let me set the scene:
Yesterday, I'm sitting on a bench waiting for all the kids to
get changed after swim. I have about 10 kids surrounding me,
less than 6 inches away because that's how 8 year olds are.
They're like satellites.
Anyway, Mitchell (see below), one of Thumper's biggest
fans comes over and says;
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Can we go see Thumper?
I say;
Oh, honey, come here, I think we have to have a talk.
Well, Matthew - another 8 year old who cannot spell
(and I know this because yesterday I caught him writing 'this place suks' on the wall ) says,
"HE'S DEAD".
Thanks Matthew.

Recovery

Thursday night was our camp musical.
The kids were great. The show was great.
I was very proud of them.
Very proud and very tired.
The next day was Olympic Day and China
placed 4th, which is great since I was expecting 6th.
-even though our Sushi rocked the house.

My kids were not....how shall I put this.....all that interested
in being athletic on Friday. It was too hot. At one point,I was
alerted to the fact that my favorite, Mitchell (see below)
decided he'd had enough and just lay down in the middle
of the field. He was done.
So was I.
Saturday I slept.
I slept and slept and slept.
Then I slept some more.
And after that, I took a nap.

Woman on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown.

I will go down in history as the first woman killed by
a group of 8 year olds.
They're killin' me I tell ya!
How many times have I said I love my job?
Many.
I do.
I love my job.
See??!! I said it again.
It's just the kids.......
Yeah, that's a bummer when you're a camp counselor.
Now, I love the kids, but they are a lot of work.
And they don't listen.
THEY DON'T LISTEN!
Those ears don't even work.
They're simply decorative, used for either earrings,
to hold up glasses or as a gauge...something for
the head to grow into.
Today I seriously contemplated getting a bottle of
wine on the way home. A bottle of wine and a straw.
However, I didn't even leave camp until 7pm, then
between running to the supermarket to pick up
$30 worth of "crap" to make candy sushi, then running
to another store for Swedish Fish, then listening
to the gross man at the gas station telling some
guy about his friend caught in the "coke sting" that
"went down" a few blocks away...I kind of forgot about the wine.
Thank God for Xanax.

Mitchell

Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Kerry?
Yes, Mitchell?
Kerry?
Yes?
What are we doing now?
We're not talking, Mitchell.
Oh.
Kerry?

Happy Monday!

I know I'm in the minority, but I've always liked Mondays.
Even when I was in school, it wasn't Monday's I hated,
it was Sundays - because the next day was Monday.
Anyway, Happy Monday! New beginning!!
I have a busy week ahead of me.
Not only does my musical open (and close) on Thursday,
but I have to transform my homeroom into China with the
"help" of 32 9 year olds. Wish me luck.
Have a great day!!!

我們鞭打他們的驢子!

Next week is Olympic Week at camp.
I am the new emperor of China.
I will now be known as 捲曲女孩 (Curly Girl).
Along with the usual track and field events
we have to make a banner, "dress up",
write a song, write a cheer and present the judges with
A NO-COOK FOOD FROM OUR COUNTRY.
What the hell is that??!!!
But my favorite part is that we have to take into
consideration all the FOOD ALLERGIES the kids have.
I figure...... that leaves me with air and salt.
Seriously.
At the beginning of the summer, I received a long
list of my kid's allergies. They range from bee stings
to peanuts, from shellfish to cats.
Now lets just take a look at this, shall we?
1.) Bee stings.
We're at camp.
Outside.
Bees live outside.
Sting = death. Need Epi pen. Got it.
2.) Peanuts.
Everything has peanuts in it, may have been made in
a plant that also makes something with peanuts in it,
the person running the machine making the thing
may have been scared by Mr. Peanut as a child.
or maybe he voted for Jimmy Carter.
Peanuts = death. Need Epi pen. Got it.
3.) Shellfish.
WE.
ARE.
AT.
SUMMER.
CAMP.
Lobster Thursdays don't exist at summer camp.
But I get it.
If Chef Rob decides to substitute shrimp cocktail
for chicken nuggets, I need to be ready with an Epi pen.
4.) Cats.
Cats?
What the hell?
But this brings me back to the no cook dish I have
make for Olympic Week.
(China.....cats.......you get where I'm going, right?)
No, no. Relax.
I came up with a fantastic idea!
I remember seeing these a long time ago:

Candy Sushi.
I can make that!
And I'll put it in a Chinese take-out container which I'll
decorate, and I'll serve it with chopsticks.
The judges will be so impressed!!!
I shared my excitement with Paul.
He started smirking.
I'm like, "What??!! It's a fantastic idea!! We'll win!"
He's like "Sushi is Japanese, sweetie."
I'm such a dumb ass.

Camel's Back - Broken

Yeah, the straw that broke it......
two boys in my group.

*for those of you who are not regulars on my blog,
the group I am referring to is not the boy band
I belong to, but the group of 32 little darlings
I am responsible for at day camp.*

Yeah, so two "adorable" 9 year olds sent me
over the edge. I'd spoken to both of them roughly
8 times combined, and one is FRESH so his
reprimands count as double in my book
Well, at the end of the day they were at it again.
I "escorted" them into the hallway, sat them down
and let them have it.
"ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! DO NOT TOUCH EACH OTHER
DO NOT GO NEAR EACH OTHER, DO NOT LOOK AT
ONE ANOTHER FOR THE REST OF THE SUMMER.
ENOUGH!!!!
GOT IT????????"

I sent them back into our homeroom.
I noticed that there were two other group leaders
watching my explosion.
For a second, I wondered...hmmmmm......
Then the cheering started.

Oy Vey

pa·tience [pey-shuhns]
–noun
1. the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2. an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay: to have patience with a slow learner.
3. quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence: to work with patience.

Where can I buy me some of that there patience?
Signed,
Weary Day Camp Counselor of 8-9 year olds

Decisions, decisions

Can't make up my mind.
Of all the major things going on in the world
Kerry is having a tough time picking out a new tote bag.
I know.
Very sad.
I'm currently using this

Your basic zipper top, sturdy, no nosense canvas tote.
The problem is....I'm totally into nonsense.
Love nonsense.
This bag, while very practical (thanks Jen) is just too big.
When you have a big bag you tend to fill it and I just can't
carry this thing around all day. I'm begining to resemble
Quasi Moto or that crazy lady you see rushing around to
who knows where with a giant bag on her shoulder full of junk.
So I'm in search of a smaller bag with:
-a zipper
-cool color or design
-pink, orange or green on it
What have you got for me?