我們鞭打他們的驢子!

Next week is Olympic Week at camp.
I am the new emperor of China.
I will now be known as 捲曲女孩 (Curly Girl).
Along with the usual track and field events
we have to make a banner, "dress up",
write a song, write a cheer and present the judges with
A NO-COOK FOOD FROM OUR COUNTRY.
What the hell is that??!!!
But my favorite part is that we have to take into
consideration all the FOOD ALLERGIES the kids have.
I figure...... that leaves me with air and salt.
Seriously.
At the beginning of the summer, I received a long
list of my kid's allergies. They range from bee stings
to peanuts, from shellfish to cats.
Now lets just take a look at this, shall we?
1.) Bee stings.
We're at camp.
Outside.
Bees live outside.
Sting = death. Need Epi pen. Got it.
2.) Peanuts.
Everything has peanuts in it, may have been made in
a plant that also makes something with peanuts in it,
the person running the machine making the thing
may have been scared by Mr. Peanut as a child.
or maybe he voted for Jimmy Carter.
Peanuts = death. Need Epi pen. Got it.
3.) Shellfish.
WE.
ARE.
AT.
SUMMER.
CAMP.
Lobster Thursdays don't exist at summer camp.
But I get it.
If Chef Rob decides to substitute shrimp cocktail
for chicken nuggets, I need to be ready with an Epi pen.
4.) Cats.
Cats?
What the hell?
But this brings me back to the no cook dish I have
make for Olympic Week.
(China.....cats.......you get where I'm going, right?)
No, no. Relax.
I came up with a fantastic idea!
I remember seeing these a long time ago:

Candy Sushi.
I can make that!
And I'll put it in a Chinese take-out container which I'll
decorate, and I'll serve it with chopsticks.
The judges will be so impressed!!!
I shared my excitement with Paul.
He started smirking.
I'm like, "What??!! It's a fantastic idea!! We'll win!"
He's like "Sushi is Japanese, sweetie."
I'm such a dumb ass.