How did this happen.
Boy Scouts - 1x per week
Religion class - 1x per week
School Baseball Games - 2x per week
- (practice during phys ed 4x a wk)
Town Baseball Practice - 1x per week
Town Baseball Games - 2x per week
Violin Lessons - 2x per week
Homework - 3 hrs+ - 4x per week
Ok, do the math.
That schedule equals 9 million hours per week.
Paul and I used to "tsk tsk" those parents who had their
kids running from one thing to another, totally overscheculed.
Well, we're no longer the "tsk-ers". We're the "tsk-ees".
Dylan had a little melt down a couple of weeks ago.
It made me take a step back
and take a look at what was going on.
We sat down and talked about his schedule.
We went through everything, discussing the possibility of dropping some activities.
He wants to do everything.....EVEN VIOLIN. (I was sure that would be the first to go)
Ok.
I told him he has a crazy schedule and
he can't be on the baseball field
when he has a religion class so he'll have to choose.
We can't do everything and that's okay.
I try to steer him in his decision making,
it's a lot to expect a kid to decide
that he's exhausted from baseball
and that it's okay to take a violin lesson instead,
or even skip it all together.
It's too much for an 11 year old.
Who's to blame?
Me.
I take the blame.
All of it.
How do I make it better? Do we quit everything?
If that would make him happy, we'd do it.
He wants to do everything.
I'm glad he's not a quitter, but he needs guidance
before he gets burned out.
So as much as I believe that being part of a team is
very important, if we have to miss a game, so be it.
Studying for Confirmation is a must, but if we need
a night to just watch TV, so be it.
If he doesn't make Eagle Scout by the time he's 12, that's ok.
Rather play Game Cube than scales - fine by me.
I don't want him doing fractions at 9:30 pm. I'll write a note
and we'll do it over the weekend.
Kids need to be kids.
I'm sorry I let it get to this point, but I can fix it.
I can and I will.
I'm on his side.
11 comments:
Don't worry. He will be ok as long as you're not pushing him and he is doing these activities because he wants to. We did it as kids too, and we had no computers to assist us with the homework. Remember writing a 5 page book report and having to re-write it because there were errors or it was sloppy. I think he still has time to mow the lawn :) xoxo
It's so refreshing to hear a parent take responsibility like you have! That shows a lot of character. This is a good age for your little guy to learn that one can't do everything...I learned that lesson the hard way when I was overloaded my senior year of high school and almost had a nervous breakdown.
You are such a great mom... don't sweat it.... my kids were like that too... I made them choose one thing they can do and that's it. It is too much over the school year. Especially the private school homework load... so glad we don't have to do that anymore. Hang in there... I got your back girl... I'm on YOUR side.
Wow you're a busy mom! I don't know how you do it, but good luck!
And what about suggesting things over the summer (like the Violin) when the weeks are freed up a bit from school.....
But you're right...those schedules can be killer on everyone.
Hang in...you're a good mom for taking note of what is bogging you all down.
I have been feeling the same way with this. I mean, my dd is only in first grade and I can't believe the homework she has. The one nice thing is that she gets a packet Monday that is due Friday, so I don't feel too guilty if we don't do it one day.
Violin 2x a week is about all I can handle. She wants to do dance too but I can't figure out how we'd ever fit it in, but she won't give up the violin. Not that I'd want her to, she's got a real talent there.
Summer will be much anticipated...we can actually take a dance class and not feel overextended!
Do you think that, as a teacher, you are more free to "write a note" and get your kid some slack on homework?
When I suggested, on occasion, that having so much homework that my kids couldn't even break for dinner (they ate with pencil in hand) or showers (we pared down to twice per week) and were staying up past a reasonable bedtime to get it finished, that I felt they were chained to the dining room table in those early elementary grades, I was told to suck it up. LOTS of eye rolling from the teachers, for daring to tell them my family wanted to spend time together, in the evenings.
"Most Parents want their kids to have something to do, so they're not getting into trouble," they said. It made extracurricular activities impossible, and was a big factor in deciding to homeschool.
Now, of course, my oldest is a freshman and I think his load is pathetically light--nothing like we had, as kids. Why they make elementary so tough and high school such a breeze, I can't get. I end up giving him extra reading in the areas his teachers are covering, just because I feel like he should LEARN SOMETHING.
But I think it's great that you can be a voice of reason for your kid.
Hi Christine -
Nah, I don't feel "more free" to write a note about the homework.
Actually, at our school, we're told to write a note to the teacher if our child can't finish his homework, or doesn't understand it, or ran out of time.
It's an independent private school, a prep school.
The work load is much heavier than our previous school, but on a good note, Dylan is challened with the content, yeah, as well as the load, lol.
I always believed that it was very important for my children to have some time to lie under a tree and do nothing, along with the music lessons, dance, athletics, drama classes, all of it. I never wanted them to feel pressured to represent me to the world as bragging fodder.
They all grew up very well-balanced and put themselves through college and graduate/law school respectively, with scholarships, grants and student loans because I was a single mom and couldn't do it. They all have most successful careers, and I feel that I raised my own best friends.
I think you're onto something, and that Dylan will be fine. Since you are not pushing him, he knows that your love is not conditional on his being a great athlete/violinist/gymnast/whatever.
He sounds like a marvelous little boy who knows what he's doing. Enjoy the ride.
you want to know how that happened?
Its called parenthood.
We had to drop piano lessons here & every time I think about it it makes me so sad that my kids have no music lessons. But there's just no way for us to fit it all in and we're STILL at activities until 8:00 most nights. :-(
Incidentally, I don't think you should take ALL of the blame. I think you could take some sizable portion, perhaps even most or the majority. But we moms take the blame for everything and the excess guilt isn't really doing anybody any good. Hows abouts pawning off a little guilt onto society as a whole that enables this overscheduling madness, the school system for not offering a bang up music program or for assigning too much homework, or whatever? Maybe Dad could take on a fraction or so? Just seems like we moms get more than our fair share. :-) :-) :-) (hope that came out okay - it was meant as a guilt RELIEVER!!!!! Hope I didn't pile any more on unkknowingly!)
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