Nip, Tuck, Chop

I'm thinking of having my ankles removed.
It shouldn't be a difficult operation, a little
fusing and I'd be good to go.
Why you ask?
Well, I worked harder this week than I have all year.
Our big art show was Thursday and it took us 4 days
to set it up. I must have walked a marathon around
the school. I'm a flat foot and my ankles were killing me,
so I figure, in order to avoid the same problem next year,
I'll just have them removed.
You know, I think I'll have my eyes done at the same time.
How do you feel about plasitc surgery?

Sneeky Crafting

Shhhhhh........
I've been working with some new, secret stuff
from WorldWin Papers. It is SO COOL!
It's going to be a BIT HIT!!!!!!!
I had to use it to create 4 projects for CHA, hopefully one will
be chosen for the show.
Love the stuff!!!

Also, some tooting news....
Paper Creations has asked for two of the cards I sent
them AND asked if I could create two more to go with
them! This is my first time being pubbed with them.
Very excited.

Klassy, with a K

You receive a birthday invitation in the mail.
You:
A) RSVP within a few days
B) RSVP late but RSVP nonetheless
C) don't RSVP, how the hell could you know what you're doing that day
D) don't RSVP, you're too important for such things

You run into the mother of the birthday boy at school.
You:
A) say hello and that Johnny is excited for the party
B) say hello and apologize for not RSVPing but Johnny will be there
C) say hello and pretend to know what the mom is talking about when she mentions the party
D) ignore the birthday kid's mom

You RSVP'd that your child will be attending the party.
On the day of the party you:
A) drop Johnny off but stay for a bit to chat.
B) drop Johnny off, go shopping, return at end of party.
C) decide that the party is no big deal, you don't attend and don't call
D) you drive your child to the party and as you drive up, the birthday mom sees you and waves. Your child sees that her best friend isn't there (she RSVP'd but was a no-show), so without even stopping, you just drive off with your child.

Your RSVP'd that your child would attend the party, but for some reason didn't.
You:
A) don't call
B) don't apologize
C) pretend it didn't matter that you blew off the party
D) all of the above.

The answers to all the questions seem to be C and D.
Dylan's party was yesterday.
All of those things happened to us.
I'm glad Dylan had a great time
but here is what I have learned:
Money can buy you a lot of things, but it can't buy you class.

Serendipity is Serendipitous!

Ok, here is my all time favorite site:
Serendipity Scrapbook Designs
She sells monthly scrapbook kits (check out links on the side)
and picks the best stuff for them.
I've been published thirteen times using her kits.
THIRTEEN TIMES!
BIG NEWS; she's asked me to write a column for her newsletter!
It's going to be a "day in the life" kind of column.
Just like my blog.
In fact the first column was from this blog, lol.
So please check out the site.
Show her some love!!!!
Thanks Bloggies!

Chinese Food Backlash

If you read my previous post, you'll know that I don't care for Chinese food.
I'm being kind.....I hate it.
I know, the gall!
How is that possible??
Here is a little background for ya'.
My father is not an adventurous eater.
He's affectionately known as "Meat and Potatoes Bob"
The closest we ever came to eating Chinese food
while growing up was the occasional stir fry.
One summer a friend from camp invited me
out to dinner with her family for some" Jewish soul food".
I'm thinking matzoh, but we ended up at China Palace
ordering a Pu Pu Platter.
A Poo Poo Platter??
Poo Poo....on a platter??!!!
Oh. My. God.
These people tricked me!
They're going to force me to eat Poop!
ON A PLATTER!!!
How do I get out of here.
I'm trapped.
(yes folks, these were the thoughts going through my head)
Well, the when the poop arrived, I was fascinated and yes,
I ate the poop.
Not only did I eat the poop...I liked the poop.
On the platter.
I returned home that evening and tried to explain
the whole Poop on a Platter experience, knowing full well
that Meat and Potatoes Bob would have none of it.
No poop for Bob. Unless of course you're not feeling well, then it's ALL about poop for Bob.
Read this and you'll understand.
Anyway, yeah, no Chinese food in our house.
Fast forward to college.
Pizza, beer and chinese food, right?
I was introduced to fried rice, egg rolls, chop suey,
moo shoo this and that, chop sticks, fortune cookies!
I tried to explain the benefits of clumpy rice
to my family over Christmas vacation.
They would have none of it.
However, when I came down with the chicken pox that summer,
and was the sickest sad-sack you'd ever seen, Meat and Potatoes Bob actually walked into a Chinese take-out place
and brought me the one thing I said I would eat....
Won Ton soup and an egg roll.
This man really loved me.
Back to college... one morning after a particularly
rough night of college stuff (drinking), I was in the bathroom
praying to the porcelain God when my "thoughtful" roommate
decided to REHEAT SOME SUEY SOMETHING OR OTHER IN OUR MICROWAVE!
What was she thinking??!!!!
That was it.
I was DONE.
No more Chinese food for me.
NOW do you understand???!!!!
The end!

Life in Oz

Oh how I love our new school!!!
Yesterday was Teacher Appreciation Day.
Usually all the teachers eat lunch with the kids in the dining hall,
one teacher to a table, ensuring proper etiquitte
and low spit ball volume.
But yesterday we were treated to a Lunch Party!
Parents, God bless them, subbed for us at lunch, and we
were treated to a Chinese food feast.
I hate Chinese food.
Anyway, we had "wonderful" food, entertainment and gifts!
All this to show how much we're appreciated.
I thought, "Wow, it can't get any better than this."
I was wrong.
Later on, I was going through some art work and came upon a
first grade masterpiece without a name on it.
I walked across the hall to their classroom,
they were having some free time,
so Miss Barry invited me in to ask who the secret artist was.
It only took seconds for them to descend upon me;
Olivia collapsed to the ground and wrapped
her arms around my legs
hugging me like a cherished teddy bear.
Altan ran over and gave me a huge hug.
The rest of the munchkins surrounded me like Dorothy about to start off on her trek;
"Mrs. McKibbins, look at my loose tooth!"
"Mrs. M, what are we doing for art next week?!"
"Hi!!"
"Mrs. M., watch this!"
"giggle"
-hug, hug, hug.
Now THAT my friends, is TEACHER APPRECIATION!

It's all in the eyebrows.

Meet Simon

Simon is an evil robot. (notice the eyebrows)
He is my alter ego.
You'd better watch yourself!

Kill Me.

Dear Intestines,
What the heck is going on?
Do you hate me?
What did I ever do to you to deserve this??
Ok, maybe the Mexican food wasn't the best decision but
look, you turned on me first.
Hey - don't argue, you did and you know it.
You decided to slack off and forced me to take drastic action;

It's not like I ate the whole box.
I ate like 5, maybe 6.
SIX!
And yet you decide to give me grief.
I've had it!
Enough!
And as for you, Sheryl Crowe, just shut the hell up!
I'll use as much as I want.

Tsk, Tsk

How did this happen.
Boy Scouts - 1x per week
Religion class - 1x per week
School Baseball Games - 2x per week
- (practice during phys ed 4x a wk)
Town Baseball Practice - 1x per week
Town Baseball Games - 2x per week
Violin Lessons - 2x per week
Homework - 3 hrs+ - 4x per week
Ok, do the math.
That schedule equals 9 million hours per week.
Paul and I used to "tsk tsk" those parents who had their
kids running from one thing to another, totally overscheculed.
Well, we're no longer the "tsk-ers". We're the "tsk-ees".
Dylan had a little melt down a couple of weeks ago.
It made me take a step back
and take a look at what was going on.
We sat down and talked about his schedule.
We went through everything, discussing the possibility of dropping some activities.
He wants to do everything.....EVEN VIOLIN. (I was sure that would be the first to go)
Ok.
I told him he has a crazy schedule and
he can't be on the baseball field
when he has a religion class so he'll have to choose.
We can't do everything and that's okay.
I try to steer him in his decision making,
it's a lot to expect a kid to decide
that he's exhausted from baseball
and that it's okay to take a violin lesson instead,
or even skip it all together.
It's too much for an 11 year old.
Who's to blame?
Me.
I take the blame.
All of it.
How do I make it better? Do we quit everything?
If that would make him happy, we'd do it.
He wants to do everything.
I'm glad he's not a quitter, but he needs guidance
before he gets burned out.
So as much as I believe that being part of a team is
very important, if we have to miss a game, so be it.
Studying for Confirmation is a must, but if we need
a night to just watch TV, so be it.
If he doesn't make Eagle Scout by the time he's 12, that's ok.
Rather play Game Cube than scales - fine by me.
I don't want him doing fractions at 9:30 pm. I'll write a note
and we'll do it over the weekend.
Kids need to be kids.
I'm sorry I let it get to this point, but I can fix it.
I can and I will.
I'm on his side.

Parenting is FUN!

Yeah, this parenting thing...it's fun, isn't it?
It is, right?
RIGHT?!
We're having fun now??!!!!!
RIGHT!!?????
Just tonight we had:
crying over homework
crying because his leg hurt
a bloody murder scream when I touched the injured area
He was hit with a baseball in the shin at school.
He's fine.
Next, baseball game.
strike out
big smack, double
strike out
Drive home, "I hate baseball."
Ok, Derek Jeter worshiper with the Yankee paraphernalia all over your room.
Whatever you say, you hate baseball, fine.
The sky is blue.
No it's grey.
It's cold.
I'm hot.
You're arguing.
No I'm not.
We just can't win.
Now he's in the bathtub singing Major Tom.
Yeah, ok. This parenting thing IS fun.

The Birds

Maybe it's because Alfred Hitchcock and I share the same birthday.....
Thursday:
Dylan requested hamburgers on the grill for dinner.
I went out on the deck to, oh I don't know, just look
at the deck I suppose.
Well, the railings were coverd with bird poop.
....and I mean covered.
I thought it was so odd, because it had rained all week.
Wouldn't all the poop get washed away?
Unless.....it all showed up....TODAY.
Hmmmmm.......
Then I noticed that the grill had some poop on the it too and as I'm looking....
....a BIRD FREAKIN' FLEW OUT OF THE GRILL!
(the grill has a hole on each side where the lid and base attach)
So I tapped the thing, just in case there were more, lifted the lid and...there.... in my grill.....
was the beginnings of a nest....... IN MY GRILL!
It was actually quite pretty, little purple flowers, leaves twigs...but I digress.
I. Was. Grossed. Out.
As I'm standing there one of the squatters comes flying over. I know it was one of them because it
gave me an evil, "Im going to peck your eyes out" look.
I told it to get lost.
As I waited for Paul to get home, I sat and watched the squatters....... and they watched me.
They kept flying over, their beaks holding nesting materials.
I'd yell, they'd squawk.
Once I meowed.
They laughed.
There were 4 of them, I guess it was going to be a 2 family grill.
They kept coming by, circling, then would go hang out in a dead tree. All the while, calculating......
So Paul comes home, cleans out the grill and sets the flame for low so the creatures will stay away and frankly,
because I was getting a little creeped out.
I really didn't want to play Tippi Hedren.
They STILL kept flying over, squawking at the heat...and at us.
As dusk fell, we felt we were finally safe and we cooked the burgers. Dylan swore he tasted feathers, but we assured him that the culprits had indeed escaped.
Well, early the next morning after Paul started the coffee, he went to check the grill and as he opened it..
2 FREAKIN' BIRDS FLEW OUT AT HIM!
They were at it again, more twigs and purple flowers.
They're tricky little suckers.
Paul thinks one of them is knocked up and they need a place to crash.
So again, he cleaned it out and this time he put a tarp over it.
Tarp in place.
No creepy black birds to be found.
Saturday night, grill steak. All is good.
Did Paul put the tarp back on?
No.
Sunday morning:
THEY
ARE
BACK!
GROSS!
You know, now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure I saw a fat, balding man walking a dog down my street the other day......

"THEM"

According to my son, I'm turning into one of "THEM".
"THEM" being one of the school parents.
Well, ok, yes, I AM a school parent, but
the term "THEM" has a different meaning.
It all started when I refused to by V8 Splash.
Reason - high fructose corn syrup.
Ok, who's behind me here...come on..stand up and be counted!
Dylan wanted the SPLASH but I opted for Juicy Juice (100% REAL juice with REAL sugar)
He was so annoyed.
"Grandma lets me drink SPLASH."
Yeah, well Grandma also lets you juggle knives, play with fire,
and eat mint jelly and peanut butter sandwiches.
Ok, the first two aren't true but the mint jelly thing.........
So, he let that go and drank the Juicy Juice all the while
shooting me dirty looks.
I also started offering him Nature's Promise Veggie Chips, and
God forgive me....apples, for snacks.
He begrudgingly accepted these offerings, often walking away shaking his head.
Well, the organic manure hit the fan when I brought home.....
ALL NATURAL PEANUT BUTTER!!!!!!
I gave Dylan a celery stick to dip in to try.
"Why is it all...watery?"
"That's the peanut oil. You have to stir it first."
"Gross. You don't have to stir Skippy."
"Just try it."
You'd have thought I'd poisoned the kid.
Gagging ensued, followed by spitting.
"That's gross!"
"How can it be gross? It's peanuts and salt. No chemicals, no sugar. All natural."
"I like chemicals and I LOVE sugar."
I pulled out the Skippy jar which had maybe a teaspoon of gunk left in it and asked
Dylan to compare the ingredients with my new purchase.
Instead, he managed to climb into the jar and lick the sides with joyous abandon.
When he finally crawled out, he had the look of a crack-head who'd just gotten a fix.
He walked towards me, staring me down and said...
"You're turning into one of THEM."
"Who?"
"THEM! The parents at our new school. The ORGANIC people."
He's right. I guess some of "their" practices are rubbing off on me.
Whoops, I just dropped my Snicker's bar, hang on a sec........